6.1.17

Thighgate, or, This Amazing Fanart Will Blow Your Mind!

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It's been all over the Interweb art galleries! According to sketchily-inclined fangirls, on the Atom Miraiha Tour, this happened:




Yes, that's right. According to the Internet, on the Atom Miraiha Tour, our very own dear Mr. Sakurai magically transformed into a nubile, round-bottomed anime girl, whose hobby is being photographed at obscenely low angles for the cover of the kinds of porno gravure magazines they sell in convenience stores over here, because apparently, having a really, really large butt and a small head is almost as sexy as having gigantic balloon-sized boobs covered with really small triangles of fabric.

But as far as balloon boobs go, didncha know that Mr. Sakurai has the next best thing - a pert little bubble butt that's so fucking perky it looks like it's going to pop out the top of his pants! The butt in the below picture is his actual butt, yo. And just look at the shape of that nose, eh? God's nose is shaped like that, and Jesus inherited his father's nose. What is the sound of one hand fapping?



Oh yeah, and he also grew a hard, breastplate-like superhero chest of bulging pecs that threatened to bust their way out of his shirt like Thor!!!1


MMMMM, SMEX! SMEX FOR YOU! Help us, kids, we're so turned on now we don't know what to do with ourselves, but we're also secretly ashamed of our sexuality and though we're adults in calendar years, when it comes to sexual age, we're still closet 15-year-olds who are deeply embarrassed by the human body, yet wildly aroused by the mere sight of even a sliver of bare flesh (any sliver will do)!!!!! And we also never learned what our own genitals do or how to pleasure ourselves in a healthy, effective and self-loving manner, so our frustration knows no bounds! This is indeed a maddening and saddening state of affairs!

Also, we are SOOOOOO JEALOUS OF THIS GIRL. OMG. HOW DARE SHE STEAL OUR ACCHAN! And we're jealous that she's a much better artist than we will ever be! Internet girl who created this picture, we hate you, and that's official. Damn your superior art skills, and damn your sexual success. Come let us passive-aggressively harass you. (Blog-Tickers: come and hate her with us! She stole our Acchan! She must die!)


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Anyhow, for those of you who attended the tour: you know that not only has Mr. Sakurai thusly acquired a new nickname, "Thigh-Tsushi" (we really, really wish we were making this up), but also, the secret greeting among Buck-Tick fangirls has changed from "Who's your favorite band member?" to "Have you seen Acchan's thighs?"

Just imagine that for a second, okay? You walk into a concert hall, and a total stranger comes up to you and says..."Hey, Cayce, have you seen Acchan's thighs?"

It happened to us, folks. Four times and counting. We survived, but barely.

This is why, though we're not generally in the business of trafficking in pornography, we felt the need to take action on this matter. Because, while we're not generally in the business of trafficking in pornography, we most certainly ARE in the business of debunking myths and rumors and misconceptions (at least until we can start our own superior rumors and misconceptions to replace them, that is! But never mind that.) We are the Snopes.com of Buck-Tickistan! We fact-check your fake news! And therefore, we are pleased to announce that we did our due diligence and came up with the following cold hard photographic evidence that the above fanarts are not, in fact, faithful renderings of the truth.

Kids, this is what REALLY happened that night. Don't let anyone try to tell you differently. The below photos are real, actual photos of your very own Atsushi Sakurai and they have not been digitally altered in any way, shape or form. 

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Merry Christmas from Cayce. Don't try to tell us Christmas was two weeks ago. In Buck-Tickistan, Christmas has just begun. 

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P.S. Before you get too comfortable...The Mortal, anyone? Nasophiliacs, rejoice! The bigger the nose grows, the more the nose knows.


P.P.S. Artists: please don't assume we are trying to discourage you from posting your art on the internet. We really want to see your art. Share moar art! Vita brevis, ars longa.

30 comments:

  1. Bonus: Tell us who your favorite Mortal member is.

    Is it Miyo "Ghost Hands" Ken?

    Is it Jake "I'm sketchily sticking my finger inside my waistcoat to caress my own mildly hairy and therefore ultra manly chest" Cloudchair?

    Is it Atsushi "shit I think I might have carpal tunnel syndrome from too many mic-stand caresses but these glowing moons shooting out of my hands are super gawth" Sakurai?

    Is it Murata "I'm lasciviously caressing the luscious body of Akiyama with my G-finger while wearing Walter White's Heisenberg porkpie as a topper" Yukio?

    Or is it Akiyama "Whatever this shit is, I'm down with it...also my arms are really short given that I'm supposed to be a drummer" Takahiko?

    Leave you vote in the comments below!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jake I think partly because of his facebook feed ;)

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  2. Omg, talk about creativity; Merry Christmas Cayce and a Happy New Year, may 2017 be kinder to us :)

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  3. *laughs hard* Thanks, you just saved me ~¥30000 which I wanted to spend on official PIA postcards with Momotsushi-sama's momos (if any of these cards will contain momos at all).

    Well, according to japanese fangirls, there were >10 thighs-concerts, so maybe at least some of them were more, you know, hot and unbridled (in terms of fanart pics from above, and many others on Twitter and pixiv). Can we hope? XD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can tell you right now that most of the fanart came from the imaginations inside the ladyparts of fangirls. What Mr. Sakurai mainly did was flip up his pants and sashay around the stage so as to show off his bicycling muscles to maximum effect, and be a massive troll.

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  4. Clickbait! Hahahah! My fav The Mortal member is ofc gawth Sakurai. Fanboy Jake is a close second.

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  5. I laugh at Miyo Ken's portrayal the most whenever I look at that Mortal picture. So he wins!

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  6. Merry Christmas indeed! Thank you <3

    Where do the lovely photos come from? I never saw them before!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We took them ourselves with a cutting-edge stealth camera we recently had implanted in one of our eyeballs for just that very purpose.

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    2. Aah, makes sense then! Good on you for staying ahead of cutting-edge technology AND kudos for bringing visual goodness to this humble fandom.

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  7. OMG Cayce! Have you seen Acchan's thighs?

    jk haha
    What I actually wanted to ask is "From what distance did you see Acchan´s thighs?
    On these photos they look even more hairless than mine!
    P.S.: I want the first (real) photo. As a poster. On the inside of my toilet door.

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  8. I like the real Sakurai, it gets old, it has alarming entries on its temples, deep wrinkles, sometimes it has a little belly, it wears sandals and faded clothes, it seems to have some dandruff, it continues singing semifónico, It left all his eyebrows, Is still for me the most beautiful man in the world, and I am happy to grow old with him, and see how he overthrows that myth that associates beauty with youth as the years pass and he becomes a formidable singer.

    I had so much fun with this entry. I always go through your blog, sometimes I do not write anything because of language barriers.

    Hugs!!! 明けましておめでとうございます!!!

    P.D: Miyo Ken sama

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  9. Thank you so much ... today you made me the happiest woman in the world and any other parallel universe. thanks.

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  10. As much as I adore Mr Sakurai's guts to say fuck you to gender rules, is it just me or are there other people who can't help thinking of him as some strange boy in goth school* who is angry because he is not allowed to go to the loo, in the first two pictures?

    (*Not implying he doesn't have enough knowledge to teach at goth school.)

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  11. Merry Christmas then Cayce! <3 What a perfect post to start another year in the fandom.

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  12. Hi! Where did you get these precious photos? Thank you for them, but didn't you say that it's bad to buy illegal photos once?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like we said above, we took them ourselves with our eyeball-mounted stealth cam. But also, it's fine to get illegal photos if the yakuza give them to you for free.

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    2. wait why would they do that? haha

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  13. *laughs heartily*
    Thank you so much, Cayce, for that much needed laugh! 2016 was indeed bad... let's hope that the year of the Cock will be much better.

    And such lovely photos these are. Will Mr. Sakurai ever share his secret how to get the perfect hairless legs?
    Oh, and I'm voting for super gawth Sakurai ;o)

    Merry Christmas again, Cayce! Please, never stop writing these brilliant posts and reports and essays and everything of yours!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He got his hairless legs just like everyone else: Brazilian waxing.

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    2. It reminded that I need that too! :P

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  14. Eh, not sure if this is the best place to post this but:

    Any idea where I could get English subtitles for the Buck-Tick Phenomenon movies? My googling skills turn up nothing. Any assistance would be much appreciated.

    Thanks in advance!

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    Replies
    1. I don't think you can find them anywhere, unfortunately.:( It hasn't been translated in English. I don't know about other languahes though.

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    2. I was working on subs for the B-T movies for a while, and then I got loaded down with other work. Once I finish the Atom Miraiha live report I'll try to find the time to get back to it. It takes a long time. The main difficulty is that in a lot of scenes, especially in the recording studio, it's very hard to tell what they're saying because the dialogue is indistinct. But I'll do my best.

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    3. Maybe Japanese friends can help you decipher the dialogues?
      I remember wishing they had placed a mic closer to the band members so that we could understand more but I guess it would have destroyed the voyeuristic character of the documentary :3

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    4. The issue is that much of the dialogue in the studio is too muffled to make out. Also, trying to find the time to tackle such a big project on a volunteer basis when I also have a big load of projects from paying clients is difficult.

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    5. Don´t worry, I know what you mean. But keep it up, it would be great to know more about what they´re talking about (some day) :)

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    6. Thanks for the reply & update, Cayce! Will gleefully await for those subs (which will come eventually, I'm sure :P )!

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  15. I am sure Sakurai-san got his inspiration to show his legs on stage from this movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCZDWZFtyWY

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  16. Somebody tell Sakurai-san and all the Buck-Tick members, the lyrics are already in Japanese, we just need to see their legs, I mean their performance on that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGxQdJ39FRc

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