This is NOT Greatest Site 14th Anniversary

Once, long ago, on January 27th, 2006, Cayce and our partner Kame started This is NOT Greatest Site, a handmade website dedicated to making merciless fun of j-rock fan sites, while occasionally bringing English language translations of Buck-Tick's lyrics to the internet.

We're not sure how things ended up. Because life is a journey with no end. But 14 years and many crises, Buck-Tick tours, and rotten bananas later, here we still are. If This is NOT Greatest Site were a person, she'd be in 8th grade. But as we're not people, we're probably not as snotty as the teens we were long ago (we hope).

For your viewing pleasure, a few samples of banners and goodies from our previous layouts in the long-lost aughts.

When we got started, the top banner looked like this:

A little while later, we redid the layout to look like this:

Each section had a different banner. Some samples:

Kame designed most of these graphics. And, as a gifted computer programmer (which Cayce has never been), she also coded some special easter eggs into the site. Click on the wrong part of the page, and you might have ended up on this page:

Or this page.

These days, most of you who write to us are relatively new Buck-Tick fans, and it seems that some of y'all were still small children when This is NOT Greatest Site looked like it did in these snapshots (cue shudders at the swift passage of time). But if there are any of y'all out there who remember these layouts, please do leave a comment! And any of the rest of y'all, please leave a comment and tell us how long you've been reading the site, and what kind of content you might like to see in the future. We're still recovering from our illness, so progress may be slow, but we've put far too much time into this project to quit now! So don't worry, we're not going anywhere.

Also 14 is 7+7, double good luck. So banzai for a wonderful 2020! And wish us some Kotobuki (live long and prosper). It's spelled with the same kanji as Imai Hisashi's name.  

(Raise your hand if you think these "candies" should be Imai's member produced goods production for the next tour.)


Mahna Mahna

Sing it with me...




Doo doo do doo do!


Doo doo do doo!


Nice necklace, Mr. Imai. We feel like we saw it before... somewhere in a MEMORY.




(Have any of y'all braved the shitshow of the CATS movie? If you have, please leave your reviews in the comments. CATS panning is our latest favorite form of entertainment.)


Buck-Tick 2020: the New News

Happy New Year, Blog-Tickers! Here's hoping your 2020 is off to a nice lazy, sensual start full of cat pics and chocolate-eating, and that you popped the champagne instead of letting it pop you. As promised, we bring you the updates from Buck-Tickistan, in chronological order, and boy (seven deadly sins) are there a lot of them!


Ongaku to Hito

Messrs. Sakurai and Imai will appear on the cover of the February issue of Ongaku to Hito, to be released on January 7th. The magazine will feature a cover interview with the two, plus the usual monthly update from Yutaka. Those of you wishing to order this magazine through us, send us an email. In the meantime, enjoy the cover. 

Fine lipstick, Mr. Sakurai! Very fine! (Won't you tell us the color, please? We promise we won't give it away...)


Tower Records

Also on January 7th, the latest installment of the Tower Records Buck-Tick Cafe will open in the cafe space at Tower Records Shibuya, to be followed by Tower Records Buck-Tick Cafe events opening at the Tower Records Cafe Umeda NU Chayamachi in Osaka, and the Tower Records Cafe Sapporo Pivot in Sapporo, Hokkaido.

The Shibuya event will run for a whole month, from January 7th to February 7th, in two sessions: the first running from January 7th to January 20th, and the second from January 21st to February 7th. Just in time for the 14th anniversary of This is NOT Greatest Site, y'all! (Our anniversary is January 27th). Shucks, how cute! The Umeda and Sapporo events will also run in two sessions, the first from January 21st to January 29th, and the second from January 30th to February 7th. Not only that, but the menu has already been announced! Let's take a look at it, shall we?

First, we have the obligatory Buck-Tick beer, this time with two different labels, one featuring the Datenshi promo photo, and the other featuring the Datenshi single cover. At 1000 yen per bottle, this beer isn't cheap, but we've drunk it many times before and we can say that it tastes great. No loss here. If you drink the beer in the cafe, you get to take the bottle home with you, and it's also possible to purchase unopened bottles of the beer to take home with you for later.

Next, we have the band member cocktails, starting with Mr. Sakurai's "Fluff Fluff" Viennese coffee, "inspired by the warm, soft, fluffy belly of his beloved cat, Maru." Doesn't say whether this is alcoholic coffee but for 890 yen we sure hope it is.

Mr. Imai's offering is, surprisingly, also coffee, which Tower Records is calling "Irish Coffee," and yet they say it contains cognac, not Irish whiskey, so please Japan, study your Europe a little harder. 900 yen.

Mr. Hoshino, yearning as ever for tropical paradises full of surfing mermaids and boys in bikinis, brings us 980 yen worth of banana juice, which is supposedly going to be the Next Hot Shit in Japan once the bubble tea craze bubbles out (jeez, kids, bubble tea was sooo 2004!)

Yutaka, sticking to tradition, brings us a Serious Bear houji-cha latte for 850 yen. All we can say is that if you haven't tried houji-cha, you should try it. It's a very different flavor from green tea, extra warming in the winter.

And finally, Toll brings us the Bulldog, another sake cocktail from Musubi-bito, the sake brand behind his signature sake "Doramu," which, we hate to say it, tasted terrible. But this is mixed with grapefruit juice, so maybe not so bad? 900 yen.

Next, the food menu for the first round, inspired by tracks from Parade III.

"Lullaby III," inspired by the European bar vibe of the song, is Navarin, or French mutton ragout with turnips, for 1890 yen.

"Iconoclasm" is a prosciutto and burrata salad, featuring five ingredients (five for Japanese babies). Burrata, for those of you who don't know, is an Italian cheese that spills out cream when you cut into it, for that "clash and clash" vibe. Or Sexual XXXXX vibe. Your choice.

"Tenshi wa Dare da" is ringo apple Tarte Tatin with strawberry sauce, to evoke that "ai ai love love" feel of the song lyrics... but don't they know that Shiina Ringo covered Uta?

"Just One More Kiss" is a parfait that will "explode" in your mouth, just like that deep, heavy bass from Buck-Tick's Victor CDian commercial all those years ago! (Oh yeah, Tower, NOW we're talking. Explode in your mouth! This sounds more like the B-T we know! Keep going!) After you eat those "firecracker-shaped" Pocky sticks, mix in the "carbonated ice" (what carbonated ice say what??) with the jelly below to enjoy a wild diversity of taste sensation ;)

When you visit the cafe, you also get a free A3 sized place mat, with a different design for session one and session two.

Session 1:

Session 2:

You also get different business-card sized calendar cards for each order of food or drink. There are also a bunch of Datenshi-themed collaboration goods for sale, which you can check on the official site here (just scroll down below the menu). If anyone wants to order any of these goods through us, just let us know.


Datenshi & Parade III

Buck-Tick's new single Datenshi and third tribute album Parade III will be released simultaneously on January 29th. If you'd like to order them through us, drop us a line. The third track on the limited edition of Datenshi will be the live version of the song the band performed in Takasaki on December 3rd at the opening show of The Day in Question 2019. This is the first time the band ever performed the song live. What a treasure!

Datenshi covers

Parade III cover


Neko Kikaku

Small news, big news, who's to say? For some people, this may be the biggest news on the list: in spring of 2020, the animated film Neko Kikaku (The Cat Plan), in which Mr. Sakurai appeared as a voice actor, will be released on disc. Check the official site here for details.


Fish Tanker's / Love & Media Portable Members Only Tour 2020

In a break from tradition, Buck-Tick are mounting a standalone standing tour in advance of the release of their new album! This time, the tour will be open to both Fish Tank members and Love & Media Portable members, but NOT to the general public. For overseas fans, that means that unless you're a Fish Tank member, you cannot buy a ticket to this tour. We cannot help you get tickets to this tour. If you want to attend this tour, you must join Fish Tank. Tickets to Fish Tank only tours are non-transferable, which means that you can't buy them for someone else. At the door, you are required to present both photo ID and your Fish Tank ID card, and the staff check carefully to make sure that the name on the ticket matches your Fish Tank ID and the name on your photo ID. Under the new ticket trade system, it may be possible to trade your ticket to another fan club member if you become unable to attend, but we've heard tell that overseas members aren't allowed to participate in ticket trades (please, someone, confirm or deny this. And if it's true, write to Fish Tank and complain!)

Anyhoo, the ticket lottery for this tour opens on January 18th at noon and closes on February 17th at 2PM Japan time. In order to attend the tour, you must join Fish Tank before that period. The tour schedule is as follows:

Saturday, May 23rd: Zepp Tokyo - open 17:00 / start 18:00
Sunday, May 24th: Zepp Tokyo - open 17:00 / start 18:00
Sunday, May 31st: Zepp Fukuoka - open 17:00 / start 18:00
Saturday, June 6th: Zepp Osaka Bayside - open 17:00 / start 18:00
Sunday, June 7th: Zepp Nagoya - open 17:00 / start 18:00
Saturday, June 13th: Sendai GIGS - open 17:00 / start 18:00
Sunday, June 14th: KT Zepp Yokohama - open 17:00 / start 18:00
Sunday, June 21st: Zepp Sapporo - open 17:00 / start 18:00

Please, kids. Come to this tour and dance up a storm. Dance your socks off. Dance your ass off. Dance the soles off your 30cm giant goth boots! Annoy the hell out of those prissy pursed-lipped "no dancing" fangirl biddies, just like Acchan-chan asked you to do. Because it's now the Roaring 20's again for the first time in a hundred years, and in the Roaring 20's, dancing is what they lived for. Dance like a flapper and flap your freak flag. Wear your Imai pajamas as regular clothes. Because that's the truth of life in Buck-Tickistan and no angry, jealous fangirl hatred can ever quench the firecrackers that crackle in your soul. Be like Sailor Moon, and crack up all the monsters with the fireracker of your love.


Buck-Tick's New Album

It's coming in summer 2020. According to Imai, he wants it to be a clean break for the band, something "outside Buck-Tick's previous image." His keywords: "minimalism," "electronics." Our keywords: A lady-killing werecat with a fetish for red lipstick, a hyper-intelligent human-sized praying mantid from the Andromeda galaxy, and a Cosmic Surfer Dude in a Space Suit in the Nude pick up a pair of baseball-loving brothers from Planet Baseball in the Hanshin Star System for a tour of the Milky Way in their hyperdimensional interstellar zeppelin, lose a game of Truth or Dare, have to take the dare and descend to the little-known planet "Earth" disguised as rock stars and try to make it big... but nobody ever guessed how big they'd make it! Will anyone discover their true identities? And do they have an ulterior motive? And if so, what is it? And what are all these mysterious numbers we keep seeing everywhere? Two, Three, Five, Seven, Wake Up, It's 11:11 (Seven Eleven, oh thank Heaven!) Coming soon to a Tower of Babel Records near you. Bonus extra: random Egyptian hieroglyphs, because random Greek letters were so last-season. They're 500 yen each and you can't choose the hieroglyph so if you want the Eye of Ra, you have to just keep buying more till you get it.

Release date? We're guessing early July. But we could be wrong.


The Mysterious New Album Tour

Buck-Tick (or the squad of aliens disguised as Buck-Tick) will be holding a hall tour to support their out-of-this-world new album in fall of 2020. We have to assume it won't start before September, and possibly not till October, because we're guessing that they, like us, don't want to touch the 2020 Tokyo Olympics with a hyperdimensional ten-foot pole. But what this really means is, y'all who prefer hall tours, or who want to hear the new album live, or who can't save up money in time for spring, or who don't want to join Fish Tank, will have a chance to see a Buck-Tick tour later in the year. They've given you the choice this time, to choose your tour. How nice of them!


The Day in Question 2020

And finally, last but not least, Buck-Tick have confirmed that they will be playing The Day in Question 2020 at the Nippon Budoukan on December 29th. As the Budoukan was closed for refurbishment in 2019 in advance of the Tokyo Olympics, this will be a welcome homecoming. Fun as the Yoyogi National Gymnasium was, it just doesn't have that same Day in Question vibe. In fact, in all likelihood, Buck-Tick's December 29th 2020 show will likely be a final for their Mysterious New Album Tour, rather than a standalone DIQ. But no worries that they've given up their tradition of commemorating Imai's release from his not-quite-jail-sentence for doing a special kind of hugging with Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Aliens in disguise or not, the day Buck-Tick stop making drug jokes is the day they stop being Buck-Tick.


And that concludes our news for now! To answer a last question, yes, we still provide our shopping service! If there's anything you like, feel free to contact us any time.



FT 094 Interview with Sakurai Atsushi

This is it, folks! The end of the decade! Tied up with the gothical flowery and snow-white ribbon of a wonderful DIQ, and now we're ready for the countdown! Lots of things are happening in Buck-Tickistan, and we'll be writing all about them soon, but for now, we'd like to finish 2020 with this surprisingly candid and introspective latest FT interview with Mr. Sakurai, in which he delves into his creative process for writing the new single, and offers some excellent advice for starting the new decade. Given the extremely poor behavior of the fans at the last standing tour, his remark about "a live house tour where we can all have fun together" reads just a teeny, weeny little bit like a threat. That's our Acchan-chan, eh? Even rainbow pixie-dust unicorn kittens have fangs!

However, all of y'all Blog-Tickers have been exemplary in how to be awesome fans and keep the good vibes vibing. Thank you all for the support you gave us this year, even though we weren't able to blog much. It really meant the world to us. We saw some dark, dark times, but you were one of the lights that kept us going. But before we get cheesy, we'll just say that Mr. Sakurai's summary of his 2019 would be just as true about the 2019 we had. So we figured we'd use his words instead of ours:

"In the first year of Reiwa [2019] I went through some tough times, but also found some unexpected happiness, so it was a year with many ups and downs. Next year, I'd like everyone to become happier. I don't want to keep it all inside myself, I'd like to send good energy out into the world. I'd like to have a little more fun next year. I want to go outside and have fun."

Buckle up and get ready to have an out-of-this-world 2020.


FT: So, did you spend some time relaxing over the summer, before moving into album production in the fall?

Sakurai: That's right. After "Locus Solus no Kemono-tachi" was over, I got to relax a little bit. Maybe I relaxed a bit too much (laughs). This year, we had the rescheduled lives starting from March, and then Makuhari, so I wanted to take some time out, so I asked for a vacation.

FT: You've been working nonstop for a few years now.

Sakurai: Because of the 30th anniversary, that's how it ended up. I think my body was crying for help.

FT: After No. 0, what direction are you thinking of going next with Buck-Tick?

Sakurai: Actually, I thought that first I should just make myself completely empty. It feels a little scary to go empty, but being in a little bit of crisis mode is more inspiring for me, so I thought it might be more inspiring for listeners. I was thinking vaguely along those lines.

FT: After you let yourself be empty, did you go out anywhere looking for inspiration?

Sakurai: Did I...? I went to the Klimt and Basquiat exhibits... but aside from going out, lots of things happened this year. Maybe I said this before, but a friend of mine from our debut days died, and while it might not have appeared on the surface that I was very active, on a personal level lots of things happened, and I had a lot of violent mood swings. While I felt like I should be getting out more, I just hid in my house.

FT: I see. So did you get demo tapes and start working on the album during this period?

Sakurai: That's right. When we decided to release a single, I had two songs, one from Imai that wasn't "Datenshi," and one from Hide. I thought, will these two songs really make a single? They're both very gentle. I wonder if this will work? The songs are excellent. But it was a pair of sweet ballads, so when I was asking myself, is this really what's expected of us? Imai sent me another song. That song was very rock, hard and edgy, so I thought it would work better. Because of the timing, we had to make the call based on the demo tapes. At that point, I hadn't yet thought about the lyrics at all.  

FT: "Datenshi" isn't the sort of word you've used as a title in the past.

Sakurai: That's right. When I started working on it and thinking about the lyrics, it just popped into my head. It's a very simple word I've used many times before, but it feels brave and pure to me. I thought it was perfect for the content of the lyrics.

FT: What was your starting point for writing these lyrics?

Sakurai: My own simmering anger was part of it. Is it okay if I'm not like this? What should I do? What do I want to do? What am I guessing or assuming? Et cetera. I thought I would use writing as a way to move one step deeper in. I always consider things like, if I write this, will it hurt someone, or make someone upset? But I thought I should move one step deeper in.

FT: By that, do you mean one step deeper into yourself?

Sakurai: Yes, I'm talking about myself. The thing that hurts me most easily... how should I say it? I can express it the most persuasively because it's the theme that hits closest to home. I'm working on it so that I can accept it. So that when I listen to the song, it shoots me in the heart.

FT: Why so aggressive?

Sakurai: I write so I can fully become it. Without hesitating, without rejecting it, to just get through it. Because it's me. And there's that bad-boy element of rock, which I wanted to incorporate. I wanted something bad-boy, expressing sexuality, expressing cynicism and nihilism.

FT: You've used the phrase "love is an illusion" a number of times in the past.

Sakurai: Partly, I mean it. And partly, I wanted to say that I don't want it to be that way. I suppose you could say I'm trying to balance it out a little with a little bit of sweet fragrance.

FT: So, tell us about "Luna Park."

Sakurai: At first, the tempo was different, and the melody changed a little, so I had a lot of trouble with this one. It made me think vaguely of Chagall's paintings. It ended up as a bit of a fairy tale, but this song is platonic, with the ephemeral feel of a circus or traveling amusement park. I thought I would blend these themes in with the bright melody.

FT: I see. They're very cinematic lyrics.

Sakurai: It's like a little boy or little girl who are feeling excited to go to the circus or amusement park tomorrow, but the next day, the circus will have moved on. And they say "see you tomorrow" without knowing that. Fun things don't last forever. I was the kind of child who would think about those kinds of things in advance, but I thought I'd make a song to help people hold onto their dreams a little bit more. It's not one of those black and white films where the performers have a drink after the show, or one falls in love with a girl from the same circus troupe, but it definitely calls that old-film style to mind.

FT: I felt that I heard yet a new Buck-Tick.

Sakurai: I want to take on new challenges. I think the other members do as well.

FT: Did the recording go smoothly?

Sakurai: Yes, it did. I was still getting over being sick, but I was careful to at least not catch a cold. Our director Tanaka and engineer Hiruma helped me through it.

FT: So you sing "Datenshi" like a bad-boy, and "Luna Park" in a gentle voice.

Sakurai: This one's the bad brother, this one's the good brother. Excuse me, I meant old man.

FT: No, you can say brother (laughs). So, we'll be able to hear "Datenshi" early on the Day in Question 2019 tour?

Sakurai: We're planning on playing it, but it's a sort of rehearsal? It depends on how it comes together.

FT: What kind of tour will it be?

Sakurai: Well, we've played all kinds of songs, but somehow we end up playing songs we're used to playing, so we decided to fix that and choose songs we haven't played in a while.

FT: Did you choose any of the songs?

Sakurai: I chose "Flame."

FT: "Flame" was the top pick in last edition's questionnaire on "What Buck-Tick song would you most like to hear as an acoustic arrangement?"

Sakurai: Really, it was the top pick? Is that right. We won't be playing an acoustic version this time, but I'm glad I chose it. So "Narcissus" was number three... interesting! I hope we get a chance to play it some time.

FT: Did you choose the set list for this year's DIQ?

Sakurai: I usually put together most of the set list, but this time, Hide did it. Apparently he was busy and wasn't able to choose any songs, but then he made the whole set list out of nowhere and really surprised me (laughs). But we haven't started rehearsing yet, so I don't know how it will work out.

FT: And you'll be releasing a tribute album on the same day as the single. Did you listen to it?

Sakurai: I listened to all the songs that have been finished up to this point. This is tooting our own horn, but I really thought that Imai and Hide's songs and my lyrical world are good stuff. Having other people step into our world let me see it in a new way. It was very interesting and I felt touched. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone [who worked on the tribute album]. You each expressed your own individuality, and you brought out the best in our songs. I felt moved.

FT: When I heard Fujimaki Ryota's "Just One More Kiss," I thought again what a pure and innocent song it is.

Sakurai: That's right. I felt the same way (laughs). I thought wow, this is actually a good song, it makes me cry. Fujimaki's arrangement and vocals really brought that out. And Issay (of Der Zibet) was wonderful. Der Zibet were the first band to finish recording for us. What lovely senpai they are!

FT: You've already got a release and a tour planned for the first half of 2020, but what do you want for 2020 as a whole?

Sakurai: In the first year of Reiwa [2019] I went through some tough times, but also found some unexpected happiness, so it was a year with many ups and downs. Next year, I'd like everyone to become happier. I don't want to keep it all inside myself, I'd like to send good energy out into the world. I'd like to have a little more fun next year. I want to go outside and have fun. I hope the tour will be an opportunity to make that happen.

FT: Do you have a final message for everyone?

Sakurai: Throw away your books and go out into the city (laughs). Or you could take your books out into the city. We'll be starting with a live house tour where everyone can have fun together, so let's make it a good year. Please, take care of your health, and be happy. 


Leave us your New Year thoughts in the comments. And don't shake the champagne or it will pleasure itself all over your carpet!


DIQ Ticket, Androgynous Angels, DIQ Goods, Cayce's Christmas and other stories

Hey, kids. First off, an announcement: despite all that hard-scrabble heartache trying to wangle non-existent tickets to this year's The Day in Question 2019, somehow we ended up with an extra ticket to the DIQ show on December 29th in Yoyogi, Tokyo. If you're interested, send us an email!


Second, the jacket art for Datenshi has been released, and in fact, there are two whole jacket arts to see! First is this original drawing by Uno Aquirax for the limited edition:

Second is this eerily effeminate soft-focus photo of Mr. Sakurai for the regular edition:

The images mirror each other than that both Mr. Sakurai and the girl in Uno Aquirax's work are holding similar poses, hand raised, fingers curled expressively. Sakurai's dark eyeliner and lipstick also echo the face of Uno Aquirax's lady. Aquirax's drawing is obscure - though that's probably no more to be expected. What is that shape in the foreground? Is it some kind of stylized rendition of a map of Japan? What's the photo in the background? Is it Mount Fuji or somewhere else? As in much of Aquirax's work, the nature imagery is strong, conjuring images of pagan rites or animal medicine. The girl holds a flower that might be a higanbana, which on closer inspection reveals itself to be made of devil faces. A tree sprouts from her head, as if she's some kind of earth goddess. She has both a man's leg (devoid of garters but we're pretty sure we know who's leg that is) and a bird's leg - is this Inter Raptor back again? 

Meanwhile, the photo of Sakurai seems like an overt reference to both "Dress" and "Heaven" - the feminine make-up and misty lens call to mind the looking-glass gender-bending of the "Dress" music video, while the overall white color scheme mirrors the cover of "Heaven" while making it clear that this time, it's after the fall - black hair, black lips, no all-white innocence anymore. In addition, Buck-Tick's home page has this mysterious new title graphic, in which the band members embrace empty white cutouts:

What does it mean? Sakurai has been working with the idea of duality and non-duality for a long time, and on the topic of "Satan," he stated in one of the Rock & Read interviews that he wasn't interested in any subject that couldn't be seen from more than one perspective. This theme appears in many songs - "Cabaret," "Melancholia," "Mudai," "Bishuu Love" - but "Dress" may be the song in which Sakurai explored it most fully - a love song to his inner woman, his reflection, his looking-glass self. The twin soul idea was the central theme of Shiina Ringo's "Elopers," but now it seems that in visuals, at least, all the Buck-Tick members are joining in to explore this theme. Who is the other half, the other self? Where can she be found? There's no question that the Divine Feminine is denied and repudiated in society today. Without restoring balance between masculine and feminine energies, how can we heal the problems we've inflicted on the natural world (that Uno Aquirax draws so beautifully) and in human society? If Buck-Tick are speaking up for balance, it's a message everyone should listen to.


And third, on a completely different topic, the tour goods for The Day in Question 2019.

Ugly rubber bands that cost a whole 500 yen each!

Cute little band member charms that cost a whole 500 yen each and you can't choose the band member (random draw, yo) and what they didn't tell you is that that Acchan-chan ones don't actually exist, they just pretend they do to get the fangirls to spend moar moar MOAR moneyzzz hoping against hope that they can snag a Ken-doll smooth round plastic Acchan-chan to stick down their underpanties! Tough luck, suckers!

Trading cards that cost a whole 1000 yen for one pack, that's 200 yen per small laminated piece of paper. But who are we to judge? These are memories in the making!

This absolutely beautiful tour towel featuring a black-and-white graphic of a cosmos flower. And it's 100% cotton and made in Japan. 2000 yen.

This ridiculous fake-leather coffee cup holder for the Starbucks-addicted among y'all! 2500 yen.

This year's guitar pick set, a bit uninspired, but Hide's making the most out of that 66-6-16 birthday of his! 666, Number of the Beast? Nu-uh, more like number of the Sexy Beast!!! #SexyBeastHide Another 2500 yen.

The tour pamphlet, featuring another lovely cosmos flower graphic. What will we find inside? Fake candles? Photoshopped wrinkles? Faux-fur mumus? Ball-jointed-doll makeouts? For 3500 yen, you can be the one to find out!

A very expensive "multi-case" featuring a vaguely zebra-striped Buck-Tick logo print. If you have 4800 yen you'd like to throw away.

A very expensive spotted tote bag. Nice, but maybe not bestial enough? Where are the feathers, the horns, the pink eyeshadow? 5500 yen.

The tour t-shirt, complete with tour dates on the back and the band members pictured as flowers on the front. We have to say, this is one of their best tour t-shirt designs in recent memory. Simple, elegant, black and white, no bullshit, no extraneous ugly colors, and no graphics depicting the band members as unappetizing forkfuls of food. It even comes in four sizes: small, medium, large, and extra large. 3800 yen.

What is the point of this other t-shirt? Nothing about this is original or interesting in any way. And it costs 1700 yen more than the other t-shirt just because it has a tiny useless pocket over the left nipple. What about that poor cold right nipple, eh? 5500 yen. If you want a pocket for your right nipple you have to pay extra.

An 8-bit Christmas t-shirt that only comes in sizes medium and large, because thankfully, Buck-Tick understand that small people hate Christmas. 4500 yen, because Christmas celebrates the Birth of the God of Capitalism and everyone should spend, spend, spend.

Oh wow, kids, here it is! The first-ever hoodie Buck-Tick have ever made that's actually cool looking! Took twenty years or more, but zomg, those years paid off! It looks great! Look at that red-lined hood! Those simple, elegant, black and white graphics of pretty flowers, devoid of extraneous ugly colors! Why did you have to appear in the year when Cayce's broke and can't buy you, eh? 9500 yen, for people who've been saving for twenty years for this bittersweet moment. If anyone wants to buy us this one for Christmas, we'll wrap it around our cold lil' shoulders and sing you a Christmas carol Acchan-chan style and love you forevermore. (What carol would he sing? "In the Bleak Midwinter"? "Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella"? "The Holly and the Ivy"? Leave your vote in the comments!)

And finally, for those of you who are still old-fashioned enough that you enjoy the anachronistic thrill of paper notebooks, the obligatory Buck-Tick agenda, 2020. God we love these. They have about 5000% as much personality as a smart phone and they don't even need to be charged in a wall socket. Plus, everyone in the know knows that 2020 is the year when the aliens make contact with earth. You'll want a hard copy record of the events to come, and Buck-Tick is here to help (what they're not telling you is that they ARE the aliens... they've been hiding in plain sight this whole time... why did you think Imai was so weird? "Buck-Tick Agenda," oh yes, oh yes they have an Agenda... oh shit, we weren't supposed to say that! We blew it! If you don't see us posting, assume the FBI swallowed us whole and say a prayer for our souls. Or, y'know, call Agent Mulder.)


And now, what you really want... the band member produced goods!

First up, a t-shirt with an angsty photo of Acchan-chan, and Acchan-chan's angsty-looking initials! T-shirt: 500 yen. Acchan-chan mojo: 6000 yen. That's awfully cheap for Acchan-chan mojo, kids. Snap it up while you can and you'll have the neighborhood cats all over you screaming for love till you're nothing but a dried-up drained husk lying lifeless in the street.

Second, the Hoshino Hidehiko Conservative Japanese Middle Aged Lady Approved Boring Colors Collection. It's a well-known fact that "fine upstanding citizens" in Japan shrink and shy from ever wearing any color that could be considered cool, stylish, funky, sexy, or God forbid, fun. Serious People wear beige. Serious People wear charcoal grey. Serious People wear brown. And if they're feeling eDgY, they wear navy blue. Because black is a scary color for scary, bad people who like scary, bad things like rock-n-roll bands, evil guitars and leopard-spotted hellcats. Serious People eschew graphic prints for something sensible. Take your pick: stripes or polkadots? Could be whimsical, but not in Serious People Colors (tm). Show them how grown up you are this Christmas. Show them that even Muji is too fashion-forward for you. Show them you choose Old Man Hide's for all your "fashion" needs.

Boring Color Towels, 1800 yen (boring colors cost more to dye than fun colors!)

Boring Color Sex Toy Case Cosmetics Case, 3500 yen. (Do people who wear colors this boring even bother with makeup? And we know they don't use *gasp* sex toys. Clutch your pearls now!)

(We are sorry, Hide. We still love you. But these colors are really, really boring.)

But! As if in defiance to the Boring Colors, we have the A-Fucking-Dorable Cute AF Serious Bear Lolita Edition goods!

A DIQ Christmas stocking with Serious Bear's lil' head poking out? 2000 yen, but that's a small price for the joy this will bring you.

Or what about a floral-print Serious Bear coffee mug, complete with a Serious Bear figurine head to keep your coffee as warm as your warmed-up heart? Awwww. 3800 yen is nothing for this level of good cheer.

But if this feels a wee bit too childish for your old-man self, why not try Yagami Toll's Old Man Collection?

Reading glasses, complete with case, for your failing eyes. Collaboration with ZoffDeca. Comes in a choice of black or purple leopard print. No boring colors here! 10000 yen for brand-name cachet.

And a super-cool Buck-Tick logo digest tissue case, so you can cart around enough tissues to wipe your winter cold runny nose in style. 3500 yen.

Everyone knows that the best part of winter is sleeping. It's cold and snowy outside. It's dark all day. So why leave your futon? But if you always felt that the one thing missing in that fluffy, comfy, warm futon of yours was a little bit of trashy Imai style in Certified Definitely Not Boring Colors, wow, has Imai got just the thing for you: the Evil GTR Sleepwear Collection, Sleep With Imai Sleep Imai Style 2019.

Zomg! Imai-print pajamas! And then come in a men's and a lady's version! You can die, sleep, perchance to dream happy! 9500 yen, but this is a steal. These will be collectors' items. Get a pair for you and one for your honey-bun to wear while you listen to Buck-Tick in bed!

And while you're at it, get the Imai-print bedroom slippers to match, so your little toeses won't be cold when you have to get up to pee after drinking too much tea! 3800 yen.

And finally... last but not least... this incredibly beautiful object that hardly looks as though it came from Planet Earth. We haven't cried this hard over tour goods since the GothyGoth Scarf of 2017, a whole two years ago (that's a long fucking time! Kids go from bundles of cells to pooping, puking bundles of mayhem in two years!!!) It looks like it came from the same collection as the GothyGoth Scarf 2017... a collection we might title, "The Inside of Cayce's Sadly Yearning, Horticulturally Enthusiastic Gothical Soul (or what's left of it after several Seasons in Hell)." That butterfly, kids! The butterfly of the soul, of transformation. Black for mystery and magic, red for blood and passion. Butterfly as mask, symbol of the transformation from persona and roleplayed ego-self to the truth of the inner self, or higher-self, everted into that crazy, out-of-control, out-of-season flower garden Mr. Sakurai loves to sing about. Roses for love, poppies for dreams, red lilies for sacrifice, alstromeria for survival, devotion, and never giving up, pink peonies for the Divine Feminine. We could write a whole paper on this bag. Surely the only objects appropriate to carry in the hallows of this bag are power crystals, tarot cards, Ollivander ebony-and-unicorn-hair magic wands, red lipstick, Buck-Tick perfume, purikura of your beloved, special brownies, Shinto good-luck charms, seashells from Okinawa, miniature bottles of wine, sex toys, 45 rpm vinyl records, extremely tiny yet playable guitars, and pictures of your cats. How is this only 3800 yen? 

As always, we're willing to line up for goods for our readers far and wide who can't make it to Japan this year, or help you order them through the B-T web shop, so if you want to order any of these items through us, just send us an email and we will do our best to get you what you crave.