23.2.16

Fabric Fetishes

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As most of you are already aware, The Mortal's live DVD/BluRay Immortal will be released on March 9th, two days after our dear Mr. Sakurai turns a twentieth of a millennium old. Some of you may also be aware that fans who purchase the limited edition of the Immortal DVD or BluRay will be eligible to enter a lottery to win some further extra-special goodies.

In the past, such lottery-only goodies have included everything from miniature band figurines (Sexy Stream Liner), a music box that plays Jupiter (Picture Product...I think), a bouquet of dried blue roses (Gensou no Hana), all kinds of signed posters, pieces of the stage sets, opportunities to be in a B-T music video (25th anniversary-associated releases), invites to a free live show at Akasaka Blitz (Heaven & Galaxy singles) a giant Schaft flag (Schaft Archives) and even Mr. Sakurai's actual coat that he wore for the filming of Longinus (whoever has this coat...if you don't want it anymore, please send it to us because we want to wear it every day.) If you think that sounds like pretty cool stuff, you're not alone, and so far, The Mortal has been up to par - the mail-in lottery prize for purchasing the I Am Mortal album was a copy of the Mr. Sakurai and Skull (or should I say, Mr. Sakurai and Boner?) poster that can be seen adorning the wall of the studio where the PV collection was filmed. Give us more of that bony head, yes please!

Anyhow, this is just to say that if you expected the Immortal lottery prize to be something cool, as well, we forgive you. Past prizes have set high standards and given rise to high expectations. But pretty soon, every cookie crumbles, and today, my friends, is that day.

The Immortal lottery prize has been announced, and it is thus: one hundred (100) lucky fans who mail in their lottery cards will win...

...a postcard containing a scrap of fabric that was cut from Sakurai's stage costume which he wore during the tour.

The announcement on the official website does not say whether the fabric in question has been washed and purged of all Mr. Sakurai's mortal sweat and other associated bodily effluvia, but this is Japan, so we think it would be safe to assume that that shit is clean. Sorry, fans. We know the blow is doubly crushing, because most fabric fetishists prefer dirty knickers as their fetish object of choice, but as Mr. Sakurai has never worn knickers even once in his life, he's never had occasion to get them dirty, so you, my creepy fetish fangirl friends, are, to borrow a Buck-Tickistani phrase, shit out of luck.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are going to give thanks that The Mortal's marketing team had the sense to stop short of bribing the stylist to scavenge nail clippings from the trash can, hair from the soap on the backstage showers, droplets of moisture from His Recently-Used Toothbrush, itsy-bitsy shavings from His Electric Razor, and all manner of even more inappropriate DNA-containing personal sheddings that we're not even going to talk about because even we know where to draw the line and this is it, my friends. Line Drawn.

I know we promised to enter you in the lottery if you ordered Immortal through us, but in light of these new developments, we have decided to refrain from entering this lottery unless you specifically request that we do so, and send us an extra fee of 100 yen to defray the cost of buying the damn postcard, addressing it by hand, and walking to an actual mailbox to put it in the mail - because entering these mail-in lotteries is actually kind of a bitch, and hitherto we've done it without complaining because we love y'all, but sorry, fans - not this time.

But fetish questions aside - why did they have to cut up his costume, eh? Fetishism aside, it was a beautiful garment and we'd have loved a chance to wear it out to Sunday tea. Yagi Tomoharu must be crying into his sewing box right about now, and we've half a mind to go cry with him.

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19 comments:

  1. Wow. What do they expect for fans to do with that? Frame it? Stuff it in their Acchan voodoo dolls for extra oomph to their love spells? Then again, going back to your description of The Mortal fangirls from the tour, it seems almost deserved.

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    1. I know, right? A signed photo or something from the entire band that you can frame and put on the wall would be so much better (IMO)! It's only a hundred prizes, so not like that would be hard to do.

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  2. This is so weird.Why would they think of something like this? Are Mr. Sakurai's fangirls and fanboys so crazy about him? Although I do know some fabric fetishists out there now that I think of it.

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  3. "We know the blow is doubly crushing, because most fabric fetishists prefer dirty knickers as their fetish object of choice" - I will probably win no.1 prize in creepiness right now, but I used to work as a concert organizer and had incredible luck to work with my favourite japanese band. During the tour with them I became a happy owner of my favourite musician's dirty knicker, socks, face mask and, an empty package of metabolic boost tea and empty bottle of gin, hahaha. I was in my twenties at that time, if it is any excuse, hahaha

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    1. The Hisashi InquirerFebruary 24, 2016 at 3:24 PM

      If you'd like to give an exclusive interview to the Hisashi Inquirer about your experience, we would be all ears...but you have to tell us which band it was! No wait, let us guess, miss Jewel Snake...Soft Ballet? Which means you have Ken Morioka's knickers.

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    2. no, hahaha, but when I was in my twenties I would love to have mr. Endo knickers.

      Sure!
      It's one certain musician with same surname as our beautiful Atchan's, so it's makes him Mr. Sakurai too, and it's not Ao. His previous band is playing memorial lives right now. Hope you know already who was mistreated so badly!

      Seems like he wore those knickers for a few days in row,(not that it smells, but I checked raw video material from a few concerts and saw a glimpse of it) which makes me even more creepier creep right now, haha.

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    3. To clean my name a bit I will add that I don't always steal used knickers but once I provide clean knickers to some other band, whose vocalist and his musican friend, lets say "Mr X" have been to Der Zibet's afterparty with Mr Atchan Sakurai and his wife - Issay and gossiped me of some "public kissy kissy" story of A& I.

      To make this story even more long and complicated I will add that Mr.X attended to same pantomime school as Issay, and because I know Mr X too I got a nice photo with Issay after one of DZ concerts.

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    5. The Hisashi InquirerFebruary 25, 2016 at 1:08 AM

      No need to clear your name, lovey dear, we prefer that the subjects of our exclusive interviews have the dirtiest names possible...just look at Ms. Fanny Cockshott-Shufflebottom!

      As for your secret, it's safe with us. The band was one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the first name means "Snow" and nobody's ever gonna solve that riddle except us!

      As for your second story, let's clarify...you gave knickers to Vocalist, who gave them to Mr. X, who went to Der Zibet's party and came back claiming that Gothique Prince Acchan is married to Count Batman??? Sounds like he got his facts wrong!

      In fact, we have it on good authority (we snooped in the family registry office) that Gothique Prince Acchan has been married to our own dear Imai Hisashi since 1987. We're not denying Gothique Prince Acchan's relationship to Count Batman, but that, my dear, is NOT a marriage. Remember that game "Fuck, Marry, Kill"? Remember how it's not an option to choose "fuck" for the same person for whom you choose "marry"?

      Hope you catch our drift here ;) But if you need another hint...the "F" point on Imai Hisashi's triangle is currently Maki Fujii. He even said it himself on his blog..."That is Maki Fujii. There is no way in hell that is my wife!"

      But...please do tell us what ended up happening to those clean knickers! Did Batman put them on? We were under the impression he only ever wore clothing hand-spun from the silk of a thousand pitch-black spiders. If it turned out he were willing to wear panties from Uniqlo, that would be a huge scoop!!!!

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    6. Correct, it's Snow Turtle :) I was his fan since his turtle days and I had a luck to meet him during my first trip to Japan 9 years ago. Should try my luck in lottery I suppose! If someone else will see through this mistery then it's ok, as long as Mr. Snow can't google it.

      My english must be far worse that I thought, haha. The only thing that I bought, and Issay recived, is a bottle of vodka. Mr Y, my friend is a musican who I worked with often. Once he run out of fresh knickers so I had to turn from tour manager to personal assistent and do his so private shopping. Best friend of Mr Y is Mr X, who attended to same pantomime school as Issay. Mr Y is a BIG fan of Atchan, and MR X - of Issay. Since Mr X knows Issay he did a favor to Mr Y and took him to the after party of DZ, where was also Atushi.I got relations from this after party from both Mr Y and Mr X, but only Mr X told me some more juicy details about so certain "two guys" kissing and hugging behind the table, in front of all guests,so not so privately, haha. Mr Y was ridiculous discreet!

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    7. I remember this photo of Fuji Maki and Imai. You totaly made my day with it hahaha. You are right, shamless Imai said it by himself!

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    8. But if Imai is married to Acchan and Fuji Maki is his lover, then who is the father of Imai's child?

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    9. The Hisashi InquirerFebruary 25, 2016 at 4:21 PM

      Our sources tell us it's Motokatsu.

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  4. So much nope. And frankly I feel it's a bit sacrilegious to wreck a perfectly good piece of clothing. It had better not be that awesome black and white shirt or else I will make :( faces forever.

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    1. I like to imagine that Mr. Sakurai put his foot down and said "NOT the black and white shirt." But I bet it is the black and white shirt. Where is Yagi we need to have a :( :( :( facefest with him!

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    2. Even if I entered and won, I would want to cry every time I looked at a piece of that shirt, knowing no-one could ever wear it again. I'm sad right now thinking about it, and not in a healthy, gothic way either.

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  5. Hmn...actually I am not too surprised. This is nothing new...the fabric piece thing has been done for Michael Jackson before, so The Mortal marketing team is just a late comer to the party!
    Though I agree, what a shame to cut up that lovely coat....

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  6. Wow. Gosh, out of all the blog pieces and matching comment series, this has got to make it on the kafkaesque shortlist (the writer i mean) quite a pity to cut up clothing :(

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