The Year the Earth Stood Still

Hey, folks! Doesn't time seem to be flying by these days? We notice that our last post was on February 1st... we're so sorry for not keeping up better with the blogging, but thank all of you who continue to support us, on Ko-Fi and via email. While we are much closer to being fully recovered than we were, we're still far below our normal energy levels, and unfortunately, writing has been a little too much for us to handle. 

And now, just as we're recovering, it's the rest of the world who's sick. We'll get to the Buck-Tick updates in a minute. For now, we'd like to do something else, and share some more personal thoughts on the global pandemic, regarding humanity, and humanity's relationship with Planet Earth. This may be unusual for us, but due to our own illness we've been thinking a great deal about these issues since long before the pandemic started, and watching the panic drifting through the air like a plague in itself, we feel compelled to share. 

We, Cayce, have been sick for a year and eight months now. For much of that time, we were more or less incapacitated. Up till we got sick, we were always the type to be constantly on the move, working on lots of projects at once, burning the candle at both ends, and feeling perpetually annoyed with ourselves for not managing to accomplish as much in a given time as we'd hoped. We were always pushing ourselves to be more productive, holding ourselves to higher and higher standards, and beating ourselves up for being lazy when we were lazy. To be forced off our work and project schedule by a mere illness... it was unacceptable! Nothing was going to get done on time! Surely, our life was going to fall apart!

In fact, our life did fall apart, in a way. The body our non-corporeal essence uses as its avatar in this dimension fell apart pretty spectacularly. We were unable to work, and we had to put most of our precious projects on hold. We struggled through a lot of physical pain, anxiety, and uncertainty. But at the same time... things were totally okay. Friends and family gave us love and support when we needed it the most. We found sources of healing in surprising places. In the midst of our suffering, we experienced a great deal of unexpected moments of beauty and awe.

We've always believed that everything in life is a lesson, but still, this illness was so brutal that for quite a while it was hard to see the lesson. And then, at last, at our very lowest point, when we were at our weakest and the pain was the very worst, we saw it. It unfolded, flower-like, through our awareness, like a message from the voice of the Universe.

"You've been so attached to the role you've been playing that you've forgotten it's only a role," the voice said. "You work and work and strive and strive, set yourself tough deadlines and beat yourself up for not meeting them, in order to maintain the image you've constructed of how you want to appear in the world. You were afraid that if you couldn't maintain that image, the people in your life would judge you, desert you, not love you anymore. This illness has made it impossible for you to maintain that image any longer... but see how you're still you? Anyone who would desert you in your time of weakness doesn't love you and never has. They just love the image of you. Let those people go.

"You feel you have to be strong all the time because you fear that to be weak is an imposition on others. But love works both ways. You care for your loved ones in their weakness. Now you must let them care for you in yours. When you are weak and vulnerable, it gives others an even bigger opportunity to express their love. Give them that opportunity, and accept the love they offer. You want to love others unconditionally, but for that, you must also be able to love yourself unconditionally. Unconditional: no conditions. In health and in sickness, for richer and for poorer. Whether or not you look sleek and healthy or emaciated and ill. Whether or not you can strive and achieve. For who you are, not what you do.

"The image you tried to maintain was ego. Ego sits like a wall between this back-and-forth, in-and-out exchange of love, preventing others from seeing and loving the real you. Ego is the desire for control.

"The lesson in this illness is, let go of image, let go of ego. Be who you are, in this moment, authentically and totally, openly and honestly. You need not strive to become more. You are already enough. Give up trying to control. Control is an illusion. Give up trying to control the timeline. Stop regretting that things didn't go the way they were 'supposed' to go. Stop punishing yourself for 'not being on schedule' due to being weak and ill. 

"If you can't be compassionate to yourself, how can you be compassionate to others? You must learn to forgive yourself as much as you forgive the people you love. If you are always chasing after love, how can love find you? Sit and wait, and let the love come to you. Sit and wait, and see what happens."

It was a hard lesson to swallow, at first. One of the hardest we've ever had to learn, but also one of the most valuable. We'd been trying vainly to cling to some sense of normacly, pushing ourselves to still engage in our usual activities, working, going to Buck-Tick shows... but now the Buck-Tick tour was postponed (due to Mr. Sakurai's own illness), and we had to admit defeat. We were too ill to do anything anymore. We went on medical leave from our clients and sank into the life of an invalid. We accepted that it was going to take a lot more time for us to recover, and we just let go and let it happen.

For a while, we were so sick, we lost all sense of identity. The image or role the voice spoke of was completely gone. In spiritual terms, this kind of experience is often called "ego death." But that, too, was okay. Identity or not, we were still here. Gradually, we healed. 

As we returned to the world of light and life (slowly, painfully, gradually), we realized our perspective had completely changed. The deadlines and plans had all been postponed, so what? When we were ready to, when we were well again, we could still do all the projects. We floated through the hustle and bustle of the Tokyo crowds, remembering how we used to be caught up in all that, too - always worrying about time, always rushing, out of sync with the rhythm of the Universe, and tripping over our feet.

The thing is, it's only human beings that try to move outside of the rhythm of the Universe. We never get angry at our cats for being lazy. Why are we so hard on ourselves and each other?

Breathe in, breathe out. Things take the time they take. We started to listen for that Universal heartbeat, and we heard it. We started to move in time with its music, and amazing things began to happen. Lights would turn green for us as we walked down the street, right on cue. We had all kinds of chance meetings with friends, new and old. Circumstances started to align through miraculous-seeming coincidences. New opportunities began opening up. As soon as we started to go with the flow, rather than swim against the current, it really was smooth sailing.

And then, we started to realize that the lesson we'd been given in our illness wasn't just about us and our small existence, but also about Planet Earth and human society at this pivotal moment in history.

Control, and time. Image, ego, and the dual/nondual nature of love. 

Global society has been dominated by the obsession with controlling everything: life hacks, job hacks, health hacks, productivity upgrades, quarterly statements. Everyone's impatient for results, results, results! And we're obsessed with time - being on it, having enough of it... despite the fact that the time on the clock is a very recent invention and before electricity, human life, too, moved at the pace of night and day, and the pace of the seasons. How is it than in a little over a hundred years, the phrase "you're late" came to ruin everyone's lives? Late to class, late to work, missed your deadline... you fail, you're fired, you failure as a human you! So you'd rather be smelling the flowers or looking at the sky? So there's a blizzard or a typhoon in the way? Don't care. Fuck Mother Nature, and fuck you.

The thing is, the fact that human society has been making such a concerted effort to fuck Mother Nature (or fuck her over, more like) has made it abundantly clear that 1) control is an illusion and 2) Mother Nature's time is our time, too. Our obsession with so-called "productivity" has led us to trashing our environment and steamrolling over the most important part of life: living. Global capitalism always demands more, more, more - and we keep on destroying and destroying in service of that greed. But the climate is changing. The ice caps are melting. Extreme storms and wildfires are raging. We don't control nature. We live within nature.

But we've let Nature come to seem like the enemy, because caught in that rat race hamster wheel, people so rarely take the time to appreciate what they have. Worrying constantly about the next deadline and the next quarter's results, so many of us fail to ever appreciate the now while we're in it. And then it's gone, and we realize only too late how much it meant to us, and we sit around regretting the past - still failing to appreciate the now. We tie ourselves up in knots over perceived past failures and perceived future stresses, down and down a vicious spiral of anxiety, guilt, shame, fear, and panic. And all because we've been taught that we're not valuable for who we are, only for what we do. That if we don't achieve, and achieve on time, we're worthless.

We, Cayce, have a friend who likes to berate her fat, lazy, adorable fluffball cat. "Get a job, Toby!" she says. "Start pulling your weight around here." Toby would flop over and go to sleep, and the two of us would laugh and laugh. Why are our standards for cats and humans so different?

It has something to do with ego - wanting to be perceived a certain way, wanting to be seen as "better" in some way. Striving for external acceptance or praise based on someone else's standards. But this struggle is endless and unfailingly unsatisfying. The richest men on earth seem to be among the most dissatisfied - always seeking more, more, more, and destroying the planet in the process.

Where does this dissatisfaction come from? Ego. Self-hatred, based in fear. Fear of not being enough. Not being the "right" way, by someone else's standard. Need to fill that void of self-hatred with external validation. But like the voice told us: how can you love others if you can't love yourself? No one else can fill the hole within you, not until you realize that there is no hole.

Too often, people are valued only for what they do or accomplish, but like the Dalai Lama said, "we are human beings, not human doings." Being weak, being sick - it doesn't make you less worthy as a human. Even if you are not "producing," you are experiencing. That's the meaning of life. To experience. To live. Conscious experience is the experience of the present moment. The present moment is all we have.

Mother Nature's time is the unfolding of experience. A seed falls, sprouts, grows leaves, buds, flowers, fruits. It happens at the right time, and it takes the time it takes. The cherry trees bloom in the spring, and the apples ripen in the fall. What kind of doofus would scream at an apple seedling in May, "not enough apples this quarter!" What kind of doofus would ask a woman three months' pregnant why she hasn't given birth yet? It's not a race to a goal. Each step in the process reveals something new and beautiful - the moment the first little greet shoot pokes out of the soil, the moment when the tiny leaves open up, the moment when the tiny buds appear on the stems, the slow unfolding of the flower, the swelling of the fruit - and then, yes, of course, the harvest. But it is each moment in the whole cycle that holds the meaning, and the beauty.  

When you get so sick that you're not capable of doing anything, but simply being... you remember that you are a part of nature and a part of this cycle. Healing doesn't happen instantaneously. Healing happens in its own time, and it's not a time you can control through force of will. Sometimes, all you can do is keep breathing. And as you breathe, you start to feel your life in a whole new way. 

You've faced your own frailty. You lose the illusion of control. But you see that despite this, life goes on! The sun comes up in the morning and sets in the evening. Fall turns to winter turns to spring. The earth turns, the stars wheel, the planets track their paths across the sky. You realize, far from not having enough time, you have all the time in the world, in each moment.

Maybe y'all thought this post has nothing to do with Buck-Tick, but it does. This appreciation of the present moment and living in the rhythm of nature is a huge theme in Buck-Tick's work. Sakurai conveys it perfectly in "Yumemiru Uchuu," with the lines:

For an instant
Or forever
Driven wild
We are...

Turning and turning, turning
Waltz of the night, and the moon
Rapt in dreaming space

"Bi Universe" is another wonderful song on this theme. So is "Rondo."

It's also at the ancient foundation of Eastern spirituality, expressed in Japan through Buddhism. At the entrance to Japanese temples stand two gate guardians: "Ah" on the right, and "Un" on the left (these Ah-Un are usually statues of lions, foxes, or dogs, but they come in many other forms, too.) The Ah on the right symbolizes yang, prana, the Divine Masculine, alpha, initiation, like the Magician card in the tarot (manipulation of the elements by exercising the will, archetypal masculine control as symbolized by the phallic magic wand). The Un on the left symbolizes yin, akasha, the Divine Feminine, omega, receptivity, like the World/Universe card in the tarot (the womblike void in which lies the totality of the universe, the completion of a cycle, forming the number zero, to begin a new cycle). 

Together, they represent inhalation and exhalation - the breathing state of meditation which allows these energies to flow through human consciousness. The Ah is depicted with mouth open, speaking, "Ah." The Un is depicted with mouth closed, responding with "Un" (an affirmation: "I am listening.") Join the two syllables, and you get "Om," the ancient Indian mantra to awaken the third eye, the gateway to higher consciousness. The Un also often holds a baby, symbolizing birth (the feminine receives the masculine and conceives new life), while the Ah often holds a Flower of Life globe, symbolizing the oneness of all things. (You can see both the baby and the Flower of Life globe in the photo below.)

In Japanese, an "Ah-Un kankei," or "Ah-Un relationship," refers to the kind of deeply balanced, harmonious relationship where people hardly need to even use words to communicate because they're so much on the same wavelength, they can practically get by with telepathy alone. This is the duality/nonduality of love. To have either, one must have both. Giving and receiving. They cannot be separated, for each defines the other. (Another huge Buck-Tick theme, but we already wrote about that in our last article so we'll leave it for now.)

One thing we'd like to point out again is that in this gender-obsessed age, people lose track of the fact that in the context of spirituality and metaphysics, "masculine" and "feminine" have nothing to do with physical sex or gender identity. Rather, masculine and feminine are the qualities of energy embodied by the Ah and the Un. Everyone of every gender contains these energies. They often get misrepresented in the West as "active" (masculine) vs. "passive" (feminine), but a better way to describe them would be active vs. receptive. Feminine listens. Feminine receives. Feminine accepts. The fact that these feminine aspects are considered lesser in society today is a mark of the sickness in society.

For the body and spirit to flower, these qualities must be in balance, at every level. In every person, and in society as a whole. But that's not how things are today. The masculine is praised and the feminine is demonized. This can be seen not only in the physical oppression of women - everything from rape, domestic violence and human trafficking, to women not being taken seriously by health care professionals, women not receiving equal pay for equal work, devaluing of unpaid labor usually performed by women (housekeeping, childcare, etc.), but also in the way that jobs historically performed by women often pay less and are seen as lesser whether it's men or women who are doing them (caregiving, teaching, and service roles especially). It's all over the workplace - macho, aggressive bullies get promotions. Workers are often prevented from taking time off for illness or to care for family members, or they are seen as weak for doing so. Men are shunned for trying to take paternity leave. In queer communities, this demonization of the Divine Feminine can be seen in femmephobia and violence against trans women. In fashion, it can be seen in the way in which, while women who take on masculine styles are often praised as "badass," men who take on feminine styles are still viciously attacked (women wear pants as if it's the most normal thing in the world, but it's still unusual to see a man in a dress unless he's a drag queen... why?) Boys are taught that expressing emotion is weakness, that everything associated with the feminine is unmanly and should be avoided. Girls are taught that their value in the world is contingent on the services they perform for others, and get called selfish if they choose to serve their own needs and defend their boundaries.

The list is endless. 

But in a greater sense, this demonization of the Divine Feminine manifests in our destruction of nature in the name of capitalist greed. Mother Nature. Mother Earth. Earth, giver of life, has been seen as feminine since the dawn of humanity. Now, wherever you turn, people are cutting down trees and destroying wild places as if they absolutely hate the earth, and hate nature. But we need to build this development! We need to build this strip mall, this factory! We need profit for our shareholders!

This is the Divine Masculine out of control. Out-of-control growth. You know what that is, kids. It's a cancer. Or, well, a virus. (We take no credit for the originality of this idea. Agent Smith said it long before we did.)

We are not separate from nature, we ARE nature. Destroying nature is every bit as much murder as killing a human being. And it is suicide as well, because we humans are not the individuals we think we are. Earth is a super-organism, and all the life forms on Earth are like cells in the body of this super-organism. 

As a matter of fact, human beings are also super-organisms. About 90% of the cells in a human body aren't human cells - they are symbiotic bacteria, found mainly in the digestive tract, and without those symbiotic bacteria, you not only wouldn't be able to digest your food, you wouldn't be able to live at all. You'd be dead. Over the past few decades, there's been more and more research on this "microbiome," and the ways in which lack of biodiversity, or lack of balance in species, can have catastrophic effects on the health of the whole human. Also, on the ways in which healing this microbiome can have drastic healing effects on the whole human.

We are all like tiny planets on this one big planet. The macro is reflected in the micro. The branching bronchioles in our lungs are the same fractal shape as the branches of a tree, or a bolt of lightning. The logarithmic spiral of the seashell and the sunflower is the same spiral as the human fetus and the Milky Way. These correspondences are everywhere - the entire universe is made of them. The five Platonic solids embedded within the geometry of the Flower of Life describe the geometry of the entire universe, from the structure of molecules to the structure of galaxies (if you want to know more about this, look up "sacred geometry" and prepare to have your mind blown.) This is the true meaning of the Holographic Principle - each dimension is a reflection, or hologram, of a higher dimension. This is the meaning of the Pagan wisdom, "As above, so below, as within, so without."

Flower of Life with Metatron Cube

Metatron Cube with Platonic solids

But when we're out of balance towards the masculine, we lose touch with this. The "Ah" is always speaking... but let me ask you this. Two people meet each other, and talk. One does all the talking. The other does all the listening. When they part, which person walks away with more than what they had before? The listener, right? Without the speaker, there would be nothing to listen to... but if you're too busy talking to ever listen, how can you ever learn, grow, or be inspired? 

Creative artists, scientists, and inventors alike all know that the best inspirations usually come in the spaces in between - riding the train, sitting in the bath, going for a walk, doing some meditative slow-food cooking, getting up to pee in the middle of the night, or just zoning out. Everyone loves talking about meditation these days, but all meditation really amounts to is "just zoning out." Taking the time to stop. To breathe. To be. Then bam! Epiphany! Inspiration! Be the Un. Make yourself feminine. Be a receptive, empty vessel, and the Universe will come along and fill you with new insight and new wisdom.  

So... where are we going with all this?

The pandemic, of course.

Just like lil' Cayce here, the whole out-of-control, desperately striving world has been forced by illness into a standstill.

But there's so much fear. So much panic. So much blame.

Since long before the pandemic started, people around the world were pointing out that we're living in increasingly polarized times - everyone speaking, no one listening. On the right, there's been a rise in ethno-nationalist politics around the world, based largely around fear, fear of being swallowed up by the demonized Other. (They'll take your jobs, they'll take your culture, build a wall, blah, blah.) Telling lies, refusing to hear the other sides of the story (the side of the migrants, the low-wage workers, the racial and ethnic minorities). That bit's easy to see.

On the other hand, on the left, there's been a rise in "call out culture," based largely around the comfort of self-righteousness in the face of a growing sense of powerlessness. Public shaming campaigns on Twitter against people who use words perceived as "problematic" are on the same continuum as lynch mobs. This kind of call-out culture stifles freedom by making people too scared to express themselves. Making long lists of things no one is allowed to say precludes the possibility of conversation. Shouting down people for not knowing the right word, or understanding the nuances of difficult ethnographic, socioeconomic, etc. issues doesn't promote education, understanding, or a shift in mindset. It's its own form of bullying - make the one doing the calling out feel superior, making the called out feel angry, embarrassed and small.

All talk. No listening. Building a sense of fear, of constantly being attacked and under threat. We're not a big Star Wars fan, but "fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." Yeah, that's true.

The world is now saturated on media, and the media thrives on fear. Fear is addictive. It's a rush, like a drug. Keep watching, keep clicking for the latest news. Oh no, more bad news! Keep watching, keep clicking! The death rate may be lower than first thought, but that's bad news because it means MORE infections! Young people, don't think you'll be safe, you might die of a STROKE! Don't cuddle your kitty for comfort, turns out cats might carry CORONAVIRUS!!! Oh my god, we're all gonna die!!!! Better buy some more toilet paper!!!!! (And don't you DARE joke about this. You're not taking this SERIOUSLY!!!!!111 PEOPLE ARE DYING!!!!!!)

Spoiler alert: we're all gonna die. Guys, you knew that already. Stop acting like it's news. Let's step back for a minute and take a deep breath. Ah and un. 

This kind of fear-based media has been around for as long as news has been around. We're all so used to it that we've been brainwashed into believing that feeling really bad about scary world events is somehow virtuous. Reading about scary, terrible things happening tends to make you feel powerless. But hey, if I feel concerned enough, will it help things? By feeling really bad, aren't I doing my duty as a Person Who Cares? Doesn't the fact that I'm sufficiently afraid make me better prepared for the worst?

No, friends. No it does not. We've received many, many letters from y'all readers over the years, and many of you have written about your struggles with anxiety and depression. We've struggled with anxiety and depression ourselves, so we also understand this firsthand. When you feel so depressed you can't get out of bed in the morning, and all your creative juices and ability to enjoy life seem to have been sucked away, who is that helping? No one. It's not helping you, and neither is it helping your concerned family and friends. And when you're having a panic attack, do those feelings you feel in the midst of the attack, like the walls are closing in, or you're having a heart attack, or some nameless terrible thing is about to swallow you whole - are those feelings in any way a reflection of external reality? No. Those are symptoms of fear attacking you.

Feeling bad about bad news is a natural response - which is why you shouldn't wallow in bad news! When you're wandering around mired in bad feelings, you are living less. You are out of the flow of the rhythm of the universe. You forget to appreciate, baby, the beauty and the joy of the here and now, whatever it may be - a flower, a good cup of coffee, a silly cat meme.

As for fear, Frank Herbert, author of Dune, said it a lot better than we did in the Litany Against Fear.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death which brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone I will turn my head to see Fear's path.
Where Fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

If you feel really freaked out, try speaking this litany out loud. It helps! (But don't take our word for it, try it.)

As for panic, Douglas Adams said it best, in large, friendly letters. DON'T PANIC.

The news is carefully crafted to make you feel as sad and scared as possible, but only to make you easier to control. Scared people are easy to control because they're willing to do anything to make the fear go away. They give up their rights, they do nonsensical things like hoard toilet paper, and they don't treat others well because they have a scarcity mentality. Harassing others because "they might have the coronavirus." Hoarding masks so there aren't enough for health-care workers. Berating others online for not being "frightened enough." Fear is the mind-killer.

What are you actually supposed to do in a crisis? Keep a cool head. Panic, fear, and worry accomplish nothing. They save no lives, develop no vaccines, provide no aid to the struggling unemployed. What panic, fear and worry DO do: raise your body's stress response, thereby lowering your immune response, making it more likely that you will get sick. No matter how bad things get, panic will never solve anything, it will only make things worse. Survivors are the people who take things as they come and do what needs to be done, with cool heads.

Meanwhile, if you're so busy trying to feel bad about the entire world that you feel like shit all day, you're not effectively able to enjoy whatever amount of this life you have left (because, spoiler alert: it has always been true that any of us could die at any time. Remember Memento Mori?) If you're sitting around feeling bad all day, you're also not as capable of expressing your unique gifts and talents to create positive change in the world, which is what you're supposed to be doing.

Think that it's unfair to feel happiness and joy when others are suffering? No, it is not! Life is made of both suffering and joy. There is always someone out there who's suffering. There always has been. Does that mean all the happiness and joy you ever felt were unfair? No! Love and joy are what give life meaning, and they are limitless. By all means, try to alleviate the suffering of others where you can. But never let anyone guilt you out of your love and your joy.

Sakurai addresses this in the lyrics to "Foolish":

What is it like, from over there?  
Is it deep darkness?
What can you see from over there?  
Is it love and joy?

There will be no salvation
Is it deep darkness?
I’m just living now
In love and joy

We are so bound by our transactional, capitalist understanding of the world that we've come to believe we have to pay an equal price of sadness or pain for our love and our joy, but we don't. You can be as happy as you want to be, at any time. The things to be happy about are limitless. Kittens. Flowers. That cat with the sexy legs from Nyanko Daisenkyou! Imai on Instagram wearing a plague mask, playing guitar! That clip from At the Night Side of Hide falling off the stage - perfect thing to watch on repeat as you shelter in place!

And as for love, we probably don't need to explain to y'all Buck-Tick fans how it's possible to love the same five people more and more every day and still have love to spare (shucks that's so sweet our teeth are rotting. Thanks, Hide!)

We are not trying to deny that this pandemic is causing very real pain. Our heart goes out to all of you - sick people, people with sick loved ones, people who've lost loved ones, people who've lost their jobs, people cooped up at home with family members they don't get along with, and of course, all the workers who are busting their butts and risking their lives and getting nowhere near the hazard pay they deserve. And, y'know, the morticians. Really puts the graveyard in "graveyard smash"! Hang in there, guys. We could never do what you do. Respect. 

But at the same time, we hope and believe that the unfolding outcomes of this will end up being for the greater good. Most of us (here on Planet Earth) have known for a long time that society as it was was not working, but on a global scale we (humanity) weren't able to step up and make the necessary change. Very quickly, this pandemic has exposed in a new way many aspects of society that aren't working, from supply lines to pandemic contingency plans to sick leave to the devaluing of service workers to the dangers of misinformation (and many other issues too numerous to list). Raising these issues into mainstream consciousness creates an opening for change. At the same time, the effect of the global shutdown on the natural environment has been stunning to witness. It needs to be witnessed more. How beautifully Earth breathes when humanity stands still!

Being afraid accomplishes nothing. Feeling bad accomplishes nothing. Don't feel like you have to take on the burden of the whole world all by yourself. Superhero stories are fun, but they can also promote another toxic idea that's all over mass media - the idea that one person can save the world.

We're a superorganism, remember? Cells in the body of Gaia. No one cell does anything alone. Your immune system alone is composed of dozens of different types of cells, each specialized for a specific function. Your whole body is the same. Which of your organs is the best? Which is the most important? What is a brain with no heart? Lungs with no liver? Intestines with no kidneys? Each cell on its own might not seem that important. If it dies, other cells will take its place. But on a whole body level, you need all those cells and all those organs. Without each one of those vital organs, you die.

Asking "which organ is the best?" or "which organ is the most important" - that's the kind of question the ego asks. But it's a fundamentally ridiculous question. What's the best color of the rainbow? Without all the colors, it wouldn't be a rainbow, right?

Accordingly, you, as a human being, must live and act on a human scale. You are not super human. You can't be a superhero, so don't waste your time trying to be one. It is your immediate, moment to moment life that you should focus on. Do what you can, when you can, to the extent that you can. Do not be swept away by fear-mongering news or wild-eyed predictions about the future. Instead, take this unprecedented moment of stillness to be still. Be. Still. Still alive. Still being. Being in stillness. Enjoy the silence. Experience the now. Notice. Observe. The unfolding of nature, and the unfolding of yourself, within you. Let go of images and expectations. Find that you who remains even when ego-you deserts. You are not your roles or attachments or anything you have done. You are what you are. This moment of stillness is a gift. Savor it. Cherish it. See what happens when you give up trying to control, and start drifting in the flow. 

Find your way back to your connection with Mother Earth, with Mother Nature. And if you can possibly find a way to do so, go outside, and spend time in nature. Every day, if you can. Please observe social distancing, but for the love of fuck, go outside! You may be isolated from other humans but you are never isolated from nature. Fill yourself up with the beauty of the season. Smell the flowers, touch the leaves, watch the insects, gaze at the clouds. Go out at night and look at the stars. Be feminine. Be receptive. Listen. Breathe. Do what brings you joy, offline, if possible. Read a book, exercise, cook, take a bath, pet a cat, listen to music, play music, make art - whatever you can, embody physical space. Embody your physical being. Be here, now. Don't worry about the future. Now is all there is.

The thing is, we are all connected. That comes with being part of a super-organism. (Btw if you're into science and you want to look into this further from a sciency perspective, check out the work of Lynn Margulis, Rupert Sheldrake, and Bruce Lipton, for a start.) If you want to do something to help the rest of the world, but you feel powerless because you're just one small human... there is still something you can do: send your love! Have patience with people who are still struggling with panic. Don't judge or condemn others. Don't pile on the Shame and Blame Train. This situation is difficult for everyone. You don't know what others are going through or how things look to them, so don't snipe at people. Don't gripe on social media. Leave those other people be. Just let them do their thing. You can't change them even if you wish you could. Instead, focus on centering yourself. Breathe in. Breathe out. Remember beauty and joy. And send your love

Remember, if you're on Blog-Tick, that means you're a member of the Barairo Juujidan

Tell a story of love, yeah
Even dripping in blood oh
Tell a story of dreams, yeah
You are a rose yourself
Ah, a blood red rose

This life is full of crosses to bear, but your heart is a rose. Now visualize that rose opening, unfurling, blooming as the most vividly colored, fragrant, perfect rose you've ever seen. That's you! Only you. Now visualize a rainbow of light, pulsing within that rose, to the beat of your heart. Slowly, the light spreads outwards, bathing all the people you love in its glow, shooting downward into the center of the earth, and upward into the heavens, growing brighter and brighter. You are held by the earth, and loved by the universe. You have the life force of the earth and the universe within you. Send it outward, around the globe, and visualize a better future. Healing society, healing illness, healing our wounds, healing our relationship with the earth. Each neuron might not be able to perceive the image contained in the entire brain - but that doesn't matter, that's not its function. Its function is to pass the signal along. Now yours is, too.

Pass the signal along. Pass it every day, every minute. Let it flow through you. Let it become you. If you are here reading this because you love Buck-Tick, you already know. Don't be afraid to know because someone told you to be afraid. The time for fear is over. The signal is love. Love is greater than fear.


In our next post, we'll address the state of affairs in Buck-Tickistan.

Meanwhile, thank y'all again for your support. Also, we've received a lot of requests for doing capsule analyses of the lyrics to individual Buck-Tick songs. Are y'all still interested? If so, please tell us which songs you'd like us to start with and we'll take it from there.

(That cat with the sexy legs from Nyanko Daisenkyou)


  1. Good to see you post! Thank you for sharing so many great points, and I just wanted to say I can understand, at least to some degree, what you've been going through. I medically died in 2017 and was in a coma for a while. Muscles atrophied, I lived with a breathing tube unable to speak for a while. It was really awful. But you're right, you have to let yourself accept, at some point, that you are not in control. You can only do what you can do, and sometimes you can't even wipe your own ass, but you just have to accept that haha It was a wild ride. I'll never fully recover from what happened to me, but I am in damn good conditions, all things considered. I had to re-evaluate my sense of time, and my capabilities, and what I could and couldn't do. I lost a lot of people along the way, but they were people worth losing, because I was only worth something to them with conditions. It's a bumpy ass road, but let your cards fall where they need to, outside of your control, and go from there. I'm not sure what you're illness is, but from the sounds of it, it's a really rough one, and I'm really glad to hear you're continuing on the mend. This virus has the world going crazy, but I have to thank my medical rebirth for forcing me to learn how to remain calm.
    Again, it's nice to see you're feeling well enough to post. I hope you continue to heal on a steady path :)

    1. Wow, what a rough experience that must have been! I'm glad you survived and hope you, too, continue to heal. Self-love and self-belief go a long way :)

      My illness wasn't life threatening and I never had to be hospitalized. It was just that the symptoms were hell. However, when everything fell apart I began to see the larger pattern, and how beautiful it is, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

      It's interesting how the people around you change when you get ill. People surprise you in both good and bad ways. You see who your true friends are. But that's very important. Life is too short to waste on people you don't synchronize with.

  2. Thank you so much, for giving us a sign you're still out there kicking, and for everything you wrote.

    I'm still trying to digest it and sort out my feelings, but I wanted to say thank you.

  3. Thank you so much, for lack of a better word, amazing post. I will be reading it over again and will bask in it! So many important things to remember here, for all of us.
    I have nothing of real value to add, just gratitude. <3

  4. Glad you are back!
    So much to think about. And suddenly so much time to think...


How have you been heart feeling?