With the number of bras found in Buck-Tick's new album clocking it at a whopping two (two bras, meaning FOUR boobies!!!), we wonder if that bikini-hunting #sexybeast Hoshino Hidehiko will finally take us up on our merchandising advice, and release the long-awaited "produced by Hoshino" bikini, just in time for a summer when you can't go to the beach so you stay in your room taking mirror selfies all day. Style: string bikini, adjustable to a variety of body shapes. Color: black. Pattern: a silver Hoshino pentacle on each titty, and a third on your hoochie-coochie. Says "Buck-Tick" across the butt in large, silver Art Deco letters.
Next, Mr. Sakurai follows up with the "Abracadabra Bra" - an ultra super-duper pushup bra with abracadabrangles on each boobie, to keep the coronavirus out of your cleavage. Customers who brought this item also bought the following items, also produced by Mr. Sakurai: Lace Sexmask for virus safety safe sex, and the "Moonlight Escape" bondage kit (even if you pull a Houdini and escape from these cuffs, you can never escape from love!!!)
If you would rather see these items being produced than the array of summer goods Buck-Tick currently have on offer, please leave a comment below.
We'd write reviews of the various items, but for the fact that they're really not that interesting, and also, most of them sold out the instant they went on sale, then sold out again the instant they went on sale again. Those of you jonesing for a Buck-Tick mask, mask case, and "acrylic door opener" (this is a thing??) to complete your Buck-Tick-themed collection of coronavirus paranoia paraphernalia, you'll just have to wait for another restock. We'll be happy to help you order, but we can't currently ship any items internationally, due to the coronavirus (why is it that you can ship items *to* Japan, but not *from* Japan? Why, Japan? Why?)
Acrylic door opener??? What even is this, and how do you use it? And why would you want to?
However, some of the items remained conspicuously unsold-out, namely, these t-shirts. And we think we can guess why.
Somehow, just looking at the photos of these shirts makes us feel perversely uncomfortable, and the fans seem to agree. Buck-Tickistan is not Dog-Tagistan.
We get it. Dogs are cute, too. Why should cats have all the love. Hide adopted a puppy. We're approaching the dog days of August. Etc. But, we feel we need to haughtily put our foot down on this one and quote Judi Dench from the 2019 Cats movie (and we know Imai watched it because he was cosplaying Victoria the White Cat in her ridiculous oversized pearl necklace on the cover of the February 2020 issue of Ongaku to Hito) - "A cat is not a dog."
Mr. Sakurai is a cat.
Cats are not dogs.
Therefore, Mr. Sakurai is not a dog.
Drawing the band members as cupcakes on forks was bad enough. Drawing Mr. Sakurai as a dog is crossing a line. Hatoyama Ikuko, you're a wonderful artist, but please. Have a sense of feline decency. Also, how could you go out of your way to draw Imai as a dog and not draw him as a bloodhound? Please. Try harder next time.
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In other news, the jacket art for Moonlight Escape has been released (yeah, it was a while ago, but bear with us.) What a design! You can practically hear the swish-swish-swish of Mr. Sakurai's goth cloak, and the groans of the photographer as he has to shoot over, and over, and over, because Mr. Sakurai just can't stop breaking out into a cheesy grin over how much fun it is to swish a goth cloak around. As for the sexy psychedelic eye with Buck-Tick over the moon and in its sights, do y'all think that's Mr. Sakurai's eye in drag queen makeup? It sure is shaped like his eye. Is the glitter real or Photoshop? Discuss. Will Mr. Sakurai make an appearance on RuPaul's Drag Race? Discuss.
In addition, the special bonus extras provided by major music retailer chains with purchases of the new single have been announced. To see pictures of them, click here.
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Furthermore, the track order for Abracadabra has also been announced, as follows:
01. PEACE (Imai)
02. Que Sera Sera Elegy (Imai/Imai)
03. URAHARA-JUKU (Sakurai/Imai)
04. SOPHIA DREAM (Imai/Imai)
05. Tsuki no Sabaku (Sakurai/Hoshino)
06. Villain (Sakurai + Imai/Imai)
07. Kogoeru Crystal CUBE ver. (Sakurai/Hoshino)
08. Maimu (Sakurai/Imai)
09. Dance Tengoku (Sakurai/Hoshino)
10. Kemono-tachi no Yoru YOW-ROW ver. (Sakurai/Imai)
11. Datenshi YOW-ROW ver. (Sakurai/Imai)
12. MOONLIGHT ESCAPE (Sakurai/Imai)
13. Eureka (Sakurai + Imai/Imai)
14. Boukyaku (Sakurai/Imai)
Or, for those of you who want it on vinyl, the track list is as follows. From this, we can take bets on which is the longest track on the album. We vote "Kogoeru." But it might be "Boukyaku."
［A-Side］
01. PEACE (Imai)
02. Que Sera Sera Elegy (Imai/Imai)
03. URAHARA-JUKU (Sakurai/Imai)
04. SOPHIA DREAM (Imai/Imai)
［B-Side］
01. Tsuki no Sabaku (Sakurai/Hoshino)
02. Villain (Sakurai + Imai/Imai)
03. Kogoeru Crystal CUBE ver. (Sakurai/Hoshino)
［C-Side］
01. Maimu (Sakurai/Imai)
02. Dance Tengoku (Sakurai/Hoshino)
03. Kemono-tachi no Yoru YOW-ROW ver. (Sakurai/Imai)
04. Datenshi YOW-ROW ver. (Sakurai/Imai)
［D-Side］
01. MOONLIGHT ESCAPE (Sakurai/Imai)
02. Eureka (Sakurai + Imai/Imai)
03. Boukyaku (Sakurai/Imai)
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In other news, Buck-Tick have announced that they're doing another series of live streams of old concert videos, this time on Wednesday nights. But that didn't stop the web site from announcing it like this:
"BUCK-TICK WEDNESDAY LIVE STREAMING" will start on August 5th (Wed)!
On the "Buck-Tick Public Channel" on YouTube, live videos released from Buck-Tick's current label, Lingua Sounda/Victor Entertainment, will be live streamed every Wednesday from 9PM. Go ahead and register for the channel!
BUCK-TICK SATURDAY LIVE STREAMING
▼August 5th (Wed) from 21:00 "TOUR Atom Miraiha No.9-FINAL-"
The final show of the "TOUR Atom Miraiha No.9" hall tour, held in 2016 at the Nippon Budoukan.
Stream URL：https://youtu.be/zWu81Xj_0Dg
In Buck-Tickistan, every Wednesday is a Saturday.
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▼August 12th (Wed) from 9:00 PM - CLIMAX TOGETHER 3rd
Special live held at Yokohama Arena on September 11th, 2016.
▼August 19th (Wed) from 9:00 PM - THE PARADE ~30th anniversary~ HIGH SIDE
Second day of the two-day live series held in honor of the 30th anniversary of the band's debut on September 24th, 2017, at a special outdoor venue on Odaiba. (Guys, you streamed High Side last time. Why don't you stream Fly Side this time? The set list was better. And everyone wants to watch Mr. Sakurai fuck up the lyrics to "Serenade.") *Note: this is Toll's actual birthday.
▼August 26th (Wed) from 9:00 PM - THE DAY IN QUESTION 2017 DAY1
First day of the two-day live series held at the Nippon Budoukan on December 28th and 29th, 2017. (Oh, so you can stream Day 1 of the DIQ 2017, but not Day 1 of the 30th anniversary? What is the logic here?)
▼September 2nd (Wed) from 9:00 PM - TOUR No.0
Additional show added to the hall tour "TOUR No.0" held in 2018 at Kokusai Forum Hall A.
▼September 9th (Wed) from 9:00 PM - "Locus Solus Bestia"
Second day of the two-day live series "Locus Solus Bestia," held at Makuhari Messe on May 25th and 26th, 2019. (Again, you have streamed this before. Why not Day 1? What's wrong with Day 1? What did Day 1 ever do to you?)
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For optimal viewing of these live streams, we recommend that you take a portable speaker and go outside somewhere, preferably in the pouring rain, to make it feel like you're at a real outdoor Buck-Tick show. For enhanced mood, put a centipede* in your hair for decoration. If you get sick of it, wash it off in the rain.
(NGS founder Kame's hair was definitely not attacked by a giant centipede while Cayce and Kame were inexplicably watching the previous stream of No. 0 at Kokusai Forum on the Odaiba waterfront in the pouring rain. Because why would a thing like that ever happen? Actually, it did happen. Because we live in a very strange universe. The longer the stream went on, the harder it rained. As soon as the stream ended, the rain stopped. Mr. Sakurai is a rain god, even when he's socially distant.)
*This was a joke. Please do not handle Japanese giant centipedes. In addition to being terrifying, they are extremely poisonous. However, we are happy to report that no Kames were bitten by giant centipedes in the making of this program.
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More coming soon.
《Will Sakurai make an appearance on RuPaul's Drag Race?》 made me laught out loud. Of course Mr Sakurai would appear in The Boulet Brother's Dragula, not Drag Race! He is already the one Drag Supermonster.
ReplyDeleteJokes aside- I'm happy for the streams. I plan to blast them in the dining room while my mother makes snarky comments about how those men are the same age of my dad.
Quarentine is fun.
Glad to see more posts! I hope your health is doing good!
Oh, for sure Mr Sakurai had tons of fun with the new cover art, it was highly visible in the short video ad they released this week. Also I believe the took up not greatest blog's advice regarding Bucktistan, stamped the band's logo on a planet during an eclipse and... well can we surmise Bucktickstan has been relocated to the moon?
ReplyDeleteAlso a big thank you for nod toRomanian vampires haha :) Funfact - the model for Dracula, Vlad the Impaler, is seen historically more of a righteous prince/ justice bringer to evil nobles kind of a figure(apparently staking nobles which put too many taxes on poor peasants made rulers quite popular in the middle ages). And he did build a small citadel overseeing mountain passes, only accesible by climbing an impossible number of steps often shrouded in mist; Both him and his father were part of the Italian/ German Order of the Dragon which apparently had a visual representation close to a serpent/ ouroboros hence subsequent transitions to demons/ devils etc. Can we hope Mr Imai will perhaps like dragons too not just alchemists?
ReplyDelete