Hey, kids. Tomorrow is the Atom Miraiha Tour Final at the Nippon Budoukan...which means exactly what you think it means! Yes, that's right: time for the appearance of the weirdest possible shit Buck-Tick's merchandising manager has the nerve to call "tour goods." If you want us to help you purchase any of these items, email us IMMEDIATELY, as time is of the essence! Check your email frequently and have your money ready.
Without further ado, here they are:
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Buck-Tick x Astro Boy Official Collaboration T-shirt
100% cotton t-shirt from China, printed in Japan with an officially licensed graphic depicting the five Buck-Tick members as different incarnations of Osamu Tezuka's beloved character known internationally as Astro Boy and domestically as Tetsuwan Atomu. Not ehow the 9 on the back has spiky Astro-Boy-style hair. This tee only comes in one body shape (the one pictured below) but I believe the technical term for this is "cute AF."
s/m/l 3800 yen.
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Buck-Tick x Astro Boy Official Collaboration Bath Towel
At 1250 x 620 centimeters, this towel is big enough to be your own superhero cape, and it shows off the Buck-Tick Atomu Boys to much better effect than the t-shirt. This is definitely the best item put forth for sale on this tour, if only because this is the only time you're ever going to see Acchan-sama-chan wearing a pair of underpants. Savor the moment.
4500 yen.
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Nail Seals
If you're the kind of backwards fangirl who always wanted the Buck-Tick members on her nails rather than her nails on the Buck-Tick members (and good on you if you are!), these nail seals are for you. I notice that the left set includes the crow band member designs from last year, while the right set includes the band members' alchemical symbols as pictured in the 2017 agenda notebook (which we ourselves actually bought, and we can tell you right now is beautiful.) Anyway, these seals look like they'd fall off your nails at the slightest hint of excitement, but maybe you nail-gifted people can work some alchemical magic on them so that they stay on your fingers forevermore.
1000 yen.
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Ticket Case
It's a pink leatherette case for your concert tickets, embossed with a flock of Buck-Tick cats. The graphic at right is simply to show the cats more effectively. We highly recommend this item to anyone who was willing to pay more on auction for a picture ticket than for a ticket devoid of pictures.
1500 yen.
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Trading Card Case
It's a sad gray leatherette case for all the trading cards you bought hoping in vain that one of them would turn into an actual band member, or at the very least have the courtesy to move around like photos in the Harry Potter universe, only none of them did. Same Buck-Tick cats graphic, but none of the pink.
1500 yen.
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Buck-Tick Fortune Cards
This is kind of cheating, because this time, as can be seen below, they've given away what all the possible fortunes are. As you can see, this time, instead of only offering "great bad luck" (as last year), Sakurai's possibilities include "meh luck" and...dare I say it...actual good luck. Imai's fortunes, on the other hand, are all positive, and written in the enthusiastic English of a YouTube commenter. Collect them all!
500 yen each.
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Tour Final Commemorative Silver Necklace
This hideous bling is not what we were hoping for when we requested that future tour goods include more silver jewelry...but it is real Sterling silver, and at 1.35 x 1.8 centimeters, it will advertise your angel dust wealth to all the hoes in the hoods of Buck-Tickistan. But know that if you put this on and you can't do a perfect imitation of the rap from "Future Song," you'll have betrayed yourself as a fraud forevermore. For the rest of us - if you think the box is cooler than the necklace, you're not alone.
10000 yen.
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Year-End Capsules
It's time to lead the capsules if you dare! This time it's only good stuff: Buck-Tick Atomu Boy keychains, AND the Buck-Tick good luck charms of last year, back by popular demand. Couldn't secure safety in the bedroom last year? You've got another chance this year...only you don't, actually, because this year, Mr. Sakurai's charm is a charm for "traffic safety." Don't drive your car too fast through the mountains of Gunma, and take care to use hand signals when out on your bike of a rainy midnight through the backstreets of West Tokyo! As for the other band members, Imai's charm promises "fun and happy life," which due to the rich complexity of Japanese also means "a fun and musical life." The other band members also employ this fun - Toll's promises "wealthy safety and fun," otherwise known as "rich and safe music" (don't stub your toe on your drum set in the dark!) Yutaka's offers "riches and fun in the spotlight," i.e. "make lots of money as a rock star with all the lights on you"...but as it happens, Hide's charm is the exact same one as last year: safe childbirth. If you ever doubted that Hoshino Hidehiko wanted to get you pregnant, please consider your doubts allayed.
500 yen each.
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Rubber Band Bracelet
Like those Livestrong bracelets that people used to wear to show solidarity with users of anabolic steroids, but for Buck-Tick. Apparently they sold a different bracelet (that is to say, a bracelet with a different color scheme) at every stop on the tour. Lots of Japanese fans bought them and wore them up their arms like a combination of long-time patrons of Wave Gotik Treffen and skater emo kids who haven't yet found out that the 90's are long gone, and jelly bracelets along with them. Why anyone would want this, we can't fathom, but it could be yours for just
500 yen.
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Acchan-chan Eye Mask
If you ever fantasized about Acchan-sama coming into your house in the middle of the night to confess that he likes watching you sleep, well, this won't make that fantasy a reality, but it will help you watch with (very scary) Acchan eyes while you catch some shut-eye. Or, you know, engage in some extremely questionable bondage play. And since tomorrow's show is basically just the Day in Question in disguise, questionable is in. We also recommend this item to fans who ride airplanes alone, as it's sure to preclude the possibility that you will be sexually harassed by the person in the seat next to you if you succeed at persuading the flight attendants to bring you enough of those mini liquor bottles that you can actually fall asleep on the plane.
1500 yen.
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Imai Guitar Cookie (Real Version)
It's a 62 gram iced cookie in the shape of Imai's guitar. The website doesn't verify whether or not it's edible but we're going to assume that it is because it lists an expiry date of June 2nd, 2017. What's going on in Buck-Tickistan, kids? This is the weirdest shit we've seen in a while.
1000 yen.
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Imai Guitar Cookie (Cartoon Version)
It's a 55 gram iced cookie in the shape of Imai's guitar (deja vu!) Why does the "real" version cookie weigh 62 grams but this cartoon one only weigh 55 grams, and how can a single cookie cost 1000 yen if it isn't full of weed? Don't ask us because we don't know.
1000 yen.
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Hoshino Hidehiko Hipster Glasses
They come in three strengths: 1, 1.5 and 2. Which means you can get ones that double your vision, or ones that, in true hipster style, don't do a damn thing for your eyes except make you look cool. Fun fact: Motokatsu (rumored father of Imai's baby) has been wearing non-prescription glasses like these for many more years than Hoshino Hidehiko, but Motokatsu's frames are black. Fun fact: dear Mr. Sakurai actually needs prescription glasses in his real life and is probably now peeved that Hide not only took this business chance away from him but also chose a leopard print pattern so as to preclude the possibility of Kurumi glasses. Hide fans: you win.
3800 yen.
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Cafe Hoshino Coffee Mug & Saucer
It holds 250 cl of your home-brewed Hoshino Coffee or Hide Tea Time Tea. It has a pentacle on it that you can use to summon the Goddess or worship Satan, depending on the way the plate is facing. It has an elegant fluted shape evoking the curves of a slender-figured woman. And it matches your hipster glasses.
2500 yen.
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Toll Pussyhawk Hand Towel
Toll's Pussyhawk Pussy plays with some Atomic stars. Let's pass over the fact that there are only eight stars, not nine, because the cuteness of this towel means that all shall be forgiven. It's 18 by 24 centimeters, just the right size for you to carry in your pocket. Bonus points if you use this towel to polish your Hide glasses.
1000 yen.
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Toll Pussyhawk Smart Phone Case
Toll's Pussyhawk Pussy, now on your phone, too. Technically only fan club members are allowed to buy this one, but if you want one, all you have to do is ask a fan club member to get it for you. Comes in two sizes: 165mm x 140mm (recommended for the iphone 6), and 185mm x 158 mm (recommended for the iphone 7.)
1000 yen.
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Just One More Kurumi T-Shirt
If you haven't already bought like seven of them, you can get this full color fanclub-only one! Bonus points if you wear it to some tiny live house where one of the non-Acchan members of The Mortal is putting on some dark screechy indie show - but if you do this, make sure you hang on the front railing while staring hungrily and drooling at said non-Acchan Mortal member, so he can be absolutely certain that you're not there because you're interested in his music and you want to see him play. If you do this, make sure that at no point do you look excited or interested in the music. Fangirls who've already done this at multiple u crack irigaru and My Way My Love shows in 2016: congrats, you're ahead of the curve. Take a nice helping of bonus points from The Blog-Tick Phenomenon.
4200 yen.
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Just One More Kurumi T-Shirt, Once More
The advantage of these new Kurumi t-shirts: on the back, she's wearing a tophat and red bowtie, both of which look like they were applied to her photo in Microsoft Paint, which reminds us of the graphics for the old layout of NGS, and therefore makes us all nostalgic. Please somebody, buy all the Kurumi t-shirts and wear them all at once, preferably while stalking the non-Acchan members of The Mortal. Everyone knows that the person who wears the most t-shirts at once is the biggest fan.
4200 yen.
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Imai Atomu T-Shirt
The Atomic Future version of the Dada Dada Dada t-shirt from years past. Holy shit guys, this shirt is actually cool and not something you'd be embarrassed to leave the house wearing. Only fanclub members are allowed to buy it but even if you're not in the fanclub you could still get someone to buy it for you.
3800 yen.
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Yutaka Serious Boy Plushie
Yet another Yutaka plushie for your ever-swelling keyring of miniature stuffed animals...only this one isn't an animal, it's a boy...and soon to be a beast, if you're doing it right! Introduce him to the Seven Deadly Sins, one by one by one, and watch that serious little frown of his turn into a delighted smile! Also, whatever is that circle over his butthole and whyever is it there?
1500 yen.
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AND LAST BUT OH SO DEFINITELY NOT LEAST...
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Yutaka Serious Cock Plushie
Happy 2017: Year of the Cock. Wishing you much serious cock in the new year. If Sakurai doesn't already know how fitting it is that Buck-Tick get to turn 30 in the Year of the Cock, we hope we get to be the ones to tell him. Judging by the looks of this plushie, Yutaka almost certainly doesn't know.
1500 yen.
And that's all the goods, folks. Let us know which ones you want asap and we'll try to get our grubby little paws on them before they're all gone.
