Tracing the Origins of Buck-Tickistan

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An essay by Maria Anastasia Hisashiyevna Sakuraina.

(Published last week in the Hisashi Inquirer)

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Many times previously on this blog, Cayce has referred to the cuisine, people and traditions of Buck-Tickistan, but what many of you who are insufficiently well-versed in geographic knowledge may not have realized is that Buck-Tickistan is a real place: a former Soviet republic located near the Amur River, on the Asian mainland northwest of Hokkaido.  Founded at the nexus between China, Mongolia, Russia and the northern finger of the Sea of Japan, the land of Buck-Tickistan holds a long, romantic and truly multicultural memory of the diverse genres of people who have swankily tangoed and done the 'I Love You' on its soil in ages past.

The speculation has been bandied about by many that Mr. Sakurai is not of 100% Japanese lineage…after all, he’s unusually tall, has unusually large muscles, unusually special body hair, and his eyes are a funny shape.  It’s true!  Far from being pure Japanese, Mr. Sakurai’s is of Buck-Tickistani extraction, on his father’s side.  In fact, the ancient Achan people had already been living in the area that would later become known as Buck-Tickistan for centuries when a boatload of Cossacks sailed down the river, tied up the natives, and spread dirty whispers throughout the land of the fearsome power of their new stronghold, a fort they named Achansk. The Cossack invasion thus sparked numerous armed conflicts between the Russians, the Buck-Tickistani natives, and the Manchu army, led by a one Commander Haise (an archaic spelling of Hisashi). Commander Hisashi attacked Fort Achansk but was defeated and taken prisoner.  Nevertheless, he adapted successfully to the local ways, becoming and indispensable part of local culture, and eventually helping to found the region as a new nation, conceived in anarchy and dedicated to the proposition that all people were born to fly high.  The rest, as you know, is history.

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Note from Cayce: this essay may or may not be a highly inaccurate and garbled bastardization of the early history of Khabarovsk, pilfered from Wikipedia.

We are as yet still unable to verify if Buck-Tickistan is, in fact, a real place, or if it exists only on paper and in the hearts and minds of its exiled citizens who still long for their long-lost anarchist utopia.

However, we're fairly certain of the fact that Maria Anastasia is being a troll.