Buck-Tick: The Climax... or... Milking the Money Man

Some people claim that men can't lactate - that is to say, male Homo sapiens can't make milk like female mammals of every species. In fact, it's possible that the number of people who believe men can't lactate is even higher than the number of people who believe that climate change is real, and that human beings actually landed on the moon. But Victor Entertainment doesn't listen to science! Victor Entertainment knows that if you squeeze men's tits hard enough, milk comes streaming out... and that milk has a very distinct color. Oh, wow, funny coincidence: it's the same color as money.

General admission standing tour to support Atom Miraiha? You've got to be out of your minds. Why get Buck-Tick to actually stand onstage and do something real for their 30th anniversary, when instead you can make a cheesy retrospective rockumentary about them climaxing together for 30 years, then release it to movie theaters and charge fans 2500 yen for the privilege of reliving a pale shadow of something they already saw live in the sweaty flesh back in the early 90's when they were still young, beautiful, and carefree?

That is to say, Attention Blog-Tickers! Not to be outdone by X Japan's masturbatory cheesefest We Are X, the Victor Overlords of the Buck-Tick Industrial Complex are just about to jizz their pants with excitement at the following news: a second Buck-Tick: The Movie will be released in June! Entitled BUCK-TICK ～CLIMAX TOGETHER～ ON SCREEN 1992-2016, it will feature, in the words of the promotional site, 

"Retrospective interviews connected by the thread of three concerts in 1992, 2004, and 2016, showing the growth of the band members and their relationship with their fans, and highlighting Buck-Tick's one-of-a-kind stage presence in bold ink."

If you fell asleep in boredom before you reached the end of that sentence, you're not alone. We just woke up to find we'd nodded off in our chairs while attempting to translate it.

Oh, and just as The Buck-Tick Phenomenon: The Theatrical Release was a ridiculously long and clunky title for a movie which was much better shortened to Buck-Tick: The Movie (a title which you may have noticed the band themselves actually slapped onto the movie after the fact when they released it to DVD!), 

Buck-Tick ~*~*~*~ClImAx tOgEtHer -GJTHBKHTD -19870921x30- ~*~*~*~

(that's the official title right? I'm too lazy to scroll back up and check) is also a ridiculously long and clunky movie title, and therefore we are going to go ahead and shorten it to Buck-Tick: The Climax.

But seriously, kids, how much of an anti-climax is this, anyway? Dedicated fans have already seen all three Climax Together concerts on video if not in person, "Buck-Tick's relationship with their fans" could be summed up by blowing a raspberry while sitting on a whoopee cushion, and unless they decided to interview the whole band while skinny-dipping in one of Gunma Prefecture's famous hot springs, we can be pretty sure there will be no surprise clips of backstage Nude Goth Pilates. In short, there is almost certainly going to be no point to this movie, other than an excuse for day drinking in a movie theater. Which is actually not a bad idea. Anyone who wants to join Cayce for a spot of that, email us. Honestly we're not even picky about the film. It doesn't have to be Buck-Tick. It could be a porno flick instead...that would be sure to contain more climaxes, anyhow. You have until June to come up with recipes for tasty absinthe cocktails that can fit in a hip flask.

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In other news, fans will soon be able to vote on tracks to be included in Buck-Tick's 30th anniversary best-of album, which will be titled The BesT of the BesT of the BesT of Buck-Tick (Better than the Best of the Best!). Voting will take place on this site, and be open between May 1st at noon and June 30th at one minute to midnight. If I find out that any single one of you has voted for "Muma -The Nightmare-," I will personally hunt you down and kill you. Muma made it onto the last two unnecessary anniversary best albums, people. Unless this is some divine Wiccan punishment coming back full circle (in which case we're doomed to suffer three Mumas), let's not make the same mistake three times.

Instead, here are MY suggestions for songs to vote for, in no particular order:

No-No Boy

Hearts

Capsule Tears - Plastic Syndrome III-

Embryo

Pleasure Land

Under the Moonlight

Loop -Mark II-

Kimi e

Sexy Streamliner

Living on the Net

Brilliant

Nakayubi

That song about Acchan losing his bikini (I forget the title)

Details of the release have not yet been announced, but rumor has it that it will be released only to cassette tape, mini disc, floppy disc, Nintendo 64 and Betamax, so have those vintage technology players ready and waiting!

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Real talk: Buck-Tick have a lot of great songs that time and fans forgot. In the next week or so, we'll write a post on some songs we genuinely believe you should vote for for the best album, but in the meantime, go back and listen to their whole discography again, and kindly skip "Muma," "Aku no Hana" and "Tenshi wa Dare da" while thinking fondly of how much you love Cayce.

Oh, and for some reason I feel like sharing this song. It seems relevant, somehow.