The Hisashi Inquirer Back Pages: More Sexual

Lifted from the back pages of The Hisashi Inquirer, where they print all the stuff that isn't fit for print:

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The other day, a devoted reader of ours sent us this photo which she took while on holiday in Thailand. This is a photo of a real noticeboard really there in real Thailand, and has not been altered in any way.

But...why stop there? If you're going to conceive a child, surely you don't want to conceive just any child. Surely it would be far preferable to conceive one of the Buck-Tick members!

Industrial Sex...get Higuchi Yutaka!

Sex for You...get Acchan-chan-sama!!!

Sextream Streamlined Sex...get Imai Hisashi!!!!

Beast Sex...get Hoshino "Sexy Beast Hide" Hidehiko #sexybeasthide!!!!!

Wet Dream...get Yagami Toll!!! (bonus: only one person required for conception of this particular spawn! Amazing! It's a virgin birth!)

And if you need a little help getting started on your Toll conception, I suggest you check out some illegal livestreams of erotic banana-eating. Have you ever wondered why Toll likes to throw bananas into the audience at shows? Wonder no more.

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Translated from the original Japanese by Cayce. Contents are property of The Hisashi Inquirer and we take no responsibility for them whatsoever. But if you haven't yet heard the song "Wet Dream" by Yagami Toll and the Blue Sky, don't wait. Go listen to it immediately. And then go listen to "B.A.K.A.T.O.L.L."

And I'ma just leave this here.

Schaft Report

Yes, it's been a long time in coming, but better take long and get off well than give up halfway and never get off at all (that's what she said!)

What am I talking about, friends?

What has finally come?

Why, Schaft, of course!

By which I mean, a LIVE REPORT of Schaft's Tour Ultra -The Loud Engine- is now up over at This is NOT Greatest Site. Those of you who thought we couldn't get it up in time thought wrong! The DVD doesn't come out till next week, so this is your sneak preview! And if reading the report doesn't convince you to buy the DVD that's coming out next week, it should. The concert was fantastic and the DVD is sure to be, too.

Just a reminder, for those who are interested in the DVD and/or mini album:

Entitled Deeper and Down, the mini-album will cost 2700 yen and come with a bonus DVD with a live PV of the title track, "Deeper and Down." The ten tracks are as follows:

01. Deeper and Down (lyrics - Yow-Row/music - Imai Hisashi)

02. H.N.A. (lyrics & music - Imai Hisashi)

03. Deeper and Down (live 1/28 at EX Theater Roppongi)

04. H.N.A. (live 1/28 at EX Theater Roppongi)

05. Arbor Vitae (live 1/28 at EX Theater Roppongi)

06. Thirsty Fly (live 1/28 at EX Theater Roppongi)

07. Broken English (live 1/28 at EX Theater Roppongi)

08. The Hero InSide (live 1/28 at EX Theater Roppongi)

09. Slice (live 1/28 at EX Theater Roppongi)

10. Cold Light (live 1/28 at EX Theater Roppongi)

The live DVD/BluRay of the show held on January 28th at EX Theater Roppongi will be titled Archives 2016 Tour Ultra ~The Loud Engine~. The BluRay version will cost 7540 yen, while the DVD version will cost 6459 yen. The first press edition will come in special packaging and include a special booklet. The tracklist for the video is as follows:

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01. The Loud Engine

02. Vice

03. drift

04. Anti-Hedonist

05. ReVive

06. Der Zauberlehrling

07. SAKASHIMA

08. Leidenschaft

09. Arbor Vitae

10. Thirsty Fly

11. Swan Dive

12. Adam's Rib

13. Mi

....and more

If you'd like to purchase this DVD through us, we are still accepting orders! Just send us an email. As usual, we will be purchasing copies at Tower Records in Shibuya, so if you order through us, we'll send you the Tower Records limited edition sticker (for the DVD) and postcard (for the mini-album) as a bonus. Remember - Amazon may be cheaper in some cases, but they abuse their employees (read about it here, here and here!) not to mention pushing a whole lot of small business out of the market. Tower Records, on the other hand, as I wrote about in this article, has been doing an excellent job lately of supporting and promoting local artists and keeping alive the spirit of the community record store. If you care about ethical shopping, the choice should be clear.

Of course, it should go without saying that all profits from This is NOT Greatest Shopping Service go to support NGS/Blog-Tick...and we never abuse our employees except when we stay up all night reading articles for y'all, which we didn't with this article, we wrote it while sitting outside in the park smelling the flowers, so you can feel nice and ethical. (We definitely did stay up all night writing the articles about The Mortal but masochism is the name of Mr. Sakurai's favorite game so it doesn't count as abuse.)

Anyhoo, as always, leave your comments on the live report on this post, as NGS doesn't allow commenting. If you enjoyed reading, please leave a comment! We promise we wont make fun of you too much.

Goth Talk

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In honor of the Wave Gotik Treffen and Gothic Pogo festivals which are happening in Germany more or less right now, we bring you an English subtitled version of the in-depth interview with Toll and Genet of Auto-Mod that was published in the Galaktika DVD magazine back in June 2006. In the interview, Genet discusses how he formed a friendship with Toll, and his first impressions of Buck-Tick's music, when he first went to see the band play during the 13th Floor with Moonshine tour. If you dispute what I wrote in my article So You Want to Be a Goth, here's a new angle - the opinion of Genet, Japan's Gothic Godfather. Translating and subbing this video took us quite a while, so be sure to share it with your friends!

Fun fact: Tokyo Dark Castle is still going strong. If you like goth clubs, be sure to check it out when you come to Tokyo - great bands, great DJs, strong drinks, lovely people and beautiful costumes!

Another fun fact: this interview took place at a small live house which Cayce has had the good fortune to visit many times. The tiles on the floor of this live house are patterned exactly like the tiles on Buck-Tick's stage during the 13th Floor tour. The bones are real, and still embedded in the wall.

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Schaft live report coming soon!

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How Goth Are You?

We jokingly mentioned in our live reports of The Mortal's tour last year that, before selling any tickets, they should have had fans complete a questionnaire to assess their overall level of Gothness. Only fans who could pass the test with flying colors (or flying shades of black and pale and hectic red, as the case may be) would be awarded with low numbers and/or front row seats. If the tour manager had taken our advice, the crowd would doubtless have been far more enthusiastic than it ended up being.

Don't believe me? Then note the below screencap from Immortal, and see how a total of three fans actually look like they're enjoying themselves. The song was "Shadow of Love," my friends. They should have been dancing, but no they were not.

But now, amusingly enough, in honor of Whitby Gothic Weekend, none other than the BBC itself has provided us with the gothic litmus test we were lacking. Too little, too late, but we're sharing it here so you can test yourselves, and perhaps even study up a bit for next time. Anyone who earns a score of 8 or above on the first try gets a good seat at The Mortal's next tour.

Take the quiz, friends. The Mortal are watching you closely to see how you fare.

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Charities and Instagrams

Hey, folks. Things have been slow in Buck-Tickistan of late, but as Japan relaxes for the Golden Week holidays, we know that summer is just around the corner - which means that things are sure to be heating up soon!

Unfortunately, for residents of Kyushu, life has been a little bit too interesting lately. For those of you who never read the news, Kumamoto Prefecture, home of our favorite mascot, the adorable Kumamon, experienced one of the worst earthquakes in Japan's recorded history on April 16th. Because the earthquake epicenter was relatively shallow, the shaking was much more damaging than the shaking that occurred during the Great East Japan Earthquake of 2011. Shallow quakes are much more likely to damage buildings, and indeed, many houses and municipal buildings collapsed. Mercifully, there was no tsunami, but many people have lost their homes, and reconstruction is sure to be long and arduous. To add to the misery, the famous and celebrated historical landmark Kumamoto Castle was seriously damaged. Things are looking bad, very bad.

Earthquake damage at Kumamoto Castle

Every little bit helps, so we're pleased to see that Buck-Tick have expanded their charity goods sales to help raise funds for reconstruction in Kumamoto. The Buck-Tick web shop is holding a sale, including discounted tour goods and some of the charity items designed by the band members to raise funds for the reconstruction of Tohoku. All the profits from sales of these items will be donated to Kumamoto. Therefore, if you are interested in donating, this is one easy way to do so. If any of you would like to order items through us, we promise to donate the full amount of our usual shopping service fees to Kumamoto, as well.

Let's help Kumamon!

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In other, happier news, This is NOT Greatest Site correspondent Kame is pleased to announce that she is now on Instagram. You can follow her HERE.

For those of you who don't already know - Kame is one of the original founders of This is NOT Greatest Site. She's also the illustrator of all the comics we have posted over the years (read a few here, here and here.) She's currently in the midst of a "100 Days of Instagram" challenge, so if you send her doodle requests, she'll draw them for you! The funnier the better!

If you can't think of anything, we have some suggestions:

- Toll in a bikini on the beach

- Imai waking up in a dumpster!

- Hoshino Hidehiko's all-j-rock allstar soccer team!

- The great Imai/Fujimaki/Jake/Murata/Acchan love snarl!

- Fifty ways to okay oneself to the fly high!

- Nishikawa Takanori without pants!

...and any other thing your crazy imaginations can dream up! Go nuts!

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Snarl, love. Snarl.